n-asyita

5 - every word feels like a shooting star

2010-02-17T20:03:00.000-08:00

" PEENISSSSS!"

- 500 days of summer

i have to get back to blogging soon after my exams are all over and attachments are all so done and done-ded. and its gonna be quite a while.

till then, i'm going to universal studios this friday. so hyped up! and perhaps wavehouse? weeehoo.

okbye.

4 - water and a flame

2010-02-11T20:37:00.000-08:00

tgif. nothing much happened at school on the last day. 2 hrs of lecture and that was it. random meetings couldnt happen and also disappointments filled with a whole lot of wishful thoughts that will bring me even furthur down. but i dont want anyone to be hurt by what im going through now. i dont meant to be it that way. and it seems like, my actions do hurt people when i tell truth so i shan't say much.

sometimes i just wish i am not experiencing this thing that im going through. this time my hormones? i dont think so but i have been sick for the past few days. side effects plus cramps maybe? perhaps the exam blues? or just being plain lazy and worthless all the time? i've become more unfair towards others which results me in being selfish? what the hell im going through right now, i dont even know. sometimes i even think i have split personalities. (hah)

but so much for my happy ending, it doesn't seem to turn out that way. all i want to do is just help people to be way better than what they are and if that's not appreciative enough, i don't even know where my effort lies. a whole mountain of it. and this doesn't always go to one person, but a few who have shown their inappreciativeness. unlucky thing is my sharing doesn't seem to come out with caring.

i dont know whether there's something wrong with me for being caring or my type of caring seems too much for them to handle.

and now, i have to focus on my studies.

can't wait to de stress tomorrow with girlfriends and a guy friend over at his place.

movies, swim and awesome dinner, please make me happy.

3 - cold showers are awesome

2010-02-10T23:05:00.000-08:00

finished school freaking early today and tuition was canceled. planned to start my caffeine addiction at the nearest coffee hub or library but the mood wasn't there. i was tired carrying around 3 thick lecture notes and a laptop with a bottled water and had no companion so i went back home instead and had a very very cold shower which was refreshing enough and yet, my elongated hands have yet to open any of the manuals to even read. my eyes are droopy and all i want to do is be a sloth and sleep. can somebody motivate me?

just saw my group's hip hop video and i wanna say congrats to us. we did our best and had a really fun time making up moves that were just too childish and weird enough but i had fun. pictures have been loaded to my fufu and i bet im gonna post it somewhere later in this blog.

in fact, i feel so darn busy that i dont really have time to collate my thoughts all in this blog that i just wanna start a photoblog or maybe none at all? my fickle minded mind wants to change this skin to something else while my body just wants its beauty sleep.

and after reading all this again, i just find out i'm fcuking lazy.

TO BED!

2 - two is better than one

2010-02-04T07:27:00.001-08:00

January has slipped by me FAST LIKE PRONTO LIKE WHOOSH LIKE POOF LIKE *SOUND OF SPRINKLES ALL OVER MY HEAD* i didnt even have time to update my blog.

why? cos all the awesome events which took over 95% of my brain cells to plan happen for the january babies. lots and lots of surprises. i was only left with 5% of my heart and soul in school either stoning or sleeping. being unproductive, coming out with nicknames for people like dida which became didaehdildo. -________-

february and its time to save up ALL my money. apparently i didnt for the past few days. i had yusrin's bday, my mum and my dad's consecutively since 2nd feb. i have yet to polish up my studying skills. which reminds me i have 2 practicals next week with 2 presentations left undone in my desktop. (NOTE TO SELF:WHAT THE FCUK YOU DOING NASYITA?!?!?!?!?!?!) Imagine all 4 on the same day - APPARENTLY THAT IS NOT A DREAM.

adding on my mocks are next week too. my notes are fluttering all over my study table. i dont know which is which. tuition is my only source of money. i'm saving for those shoes in cineleisure's rockstar. yummeh.

not forgetting to reconnect to the people i've lost touch. i am missing you loads. to spend quality time with boyfee, which apparently i have, had and gonna.

February, have mercy on me.

1 - now its back at one.

2010-01-03T02:45:00.001-08:00

2009 has been a sucky one indeed but after all the shits i've been through and all the drama that has happened, i've emerged as a stronger person and is more mature rather than gullible like i have always been. thanks to 2009 i've learnt a lot about life and how you should never underestimate people and also overestimate as a matter of fact. 2009 has been a great leap of improvements and not so improvements, but all in all, the lesson learnt was really thoughtful and i've learnt that when you fall, you only have yourself to take baby steps and the only encouragement you have is from yourself.

2010 is gonna be one hell of a ride. i'm turning the big ONE EIGHT. lots of responsibilities but yet its still too early to tell. its the time where i feel like i can do it but actually i can't. and its also the time of the year where chances only come once, so might as well make the best out of it. but hopefully, i will stay true to myself and i will try not to change much until people who were close to me thinks that i am a total stranger (but who actually cares anyway? their busy with their own lives)

2010 is also gonna be the year where i get close to the new friends i've made and know that they will be having your back. they also will be the friends that you are gonna stick through your life. and when you look back at your college years, they are the ones who made it meaningful.

2010 is also the year where i am going to rekindle the relationships with my best friends who used to be there but now they're very busy that we can only talk on the net. namingly, the people in 4D, the three monyets and the princess who loved a frog. Not forgetting to be true to the people who has been with me for the past 4 years.

2010 is gonna be the time where i change.
for the better? always will be
for the worst? maybe, no one knows the future, rite?

142 - let's play pretend so it'll come naturally.

2009-12-27T08:10:00.000-08:00

Family. No matter how much you hate them or no matter how deep you hold back your anger, you will still have to accept the fact that their are your flesh and blood. a few incidents happen here and there that left me astounded but i guess people have their own rights and say about their own family.

the funny thing is that, do they even realise that they somehow will have to see the person 30 years down the road? you will start to take care of them, maybe even feel that they seem too much a burden later rather than now. so forgiving them is the only thing that could make everything back to where it was. i dont understand why people have to shun away your own flesh and blood to your ceremony.

And if things dont always go your way, there's always a reason why they are acting like that. perhaps its for your own good. even though the way it come out seems really harsh, that's the way you should live it. (eventhough i really felt it was part of my problem) but trust me, there's always light at the end of the tunnel.

i took time during my trip to look back at what i've done about the past, the present and what can happen in the future. i did try to find answers as i searched and looked at the furthest point of the sea and i just realised that the world was bigger than it was in my mind. i have never felt so small and puny in my life. that was when it struck me, there's a lot of things that i haven't discover, learn i want to leave this world as a wise person. life is short to have hatred cos it will only cost me time. i feel that i should be taking every opportunity that comes by my life and appreciate it because i can never have the time to do that if i start hating. there is like a huge sea of opportunities and i should be having the wealth of it.

so the moral of the story kids, remember how you always want to be a certain person when you grow up, you will tend to have more dreams when you reach to a certain point of age and that is when you will have the opportunity to try everything you want in life because it only comes once in a lifetime.

enough of the long lecture. new year's resolutions coming up and i will be sure i'll stick to that.

and a really deep quote i just remembered,

yesterday is history , tomorrow is mystery , today is a gift that is why they call it the present.

there's always a limit that one could take, and i think i just reached mine ):

141 - last christmas i gave you my heart.

2009-12-21T03:20:00.000-08:00

can i be as awesome as her?

so i'm all packed to go on a short trip to a place where i called peace. a place where time stood by me slowly and a whole lot of awesomeness awaits. it has been 4 years of not going on such a trip but i pray to god it is going to be fine.

and when i get back, ill be busy with outings and the upcoming new year celebration.

till then, sayonara everybody.

see ya wouldnt wanna be ya.

:D

i am gonna miss my sugarpie hafiz hairi, a whole damn lot.
i know you know that ily.

♥

oh yeah, merry xmas everybody!

140 - love

2009-12-14T03:46:00.000-08:00

although its not a typical love story, i admire the storyline. kudos to Radit dan Jani for making me shed tears and show how deep love can be.

and to hafiz, i'm sorry i watched it first! i couldnt wait!

139 - we're finally intertwined

2009-11-25T06:19:00.000-08:00

so much things happened after the previous post. there were things that i did that made it not me but the whole ride was thrilling. there were things that sometimes you just have to take the truth and just go with the flow. there were things things that left me a whole lot of awesomeness and wished i could relived it again. there were things that made me really dreamy and light and has a really long side effects. there were things that made me stay up late and caused my beauty sleep disturbed but i had to finish it up anyways or i'll be dead. there were things that i've been thinking and felt that i wouldnt make any difference and i'm getting way too used to it. there were things that made me upset but i had to deal with it anyway. AND there were things that just makes me smile and just enjoy every single moment of my life and make the best out of it.

see? a whole lot of things rite?

and the list just goes on and on.

upcoming CTs, POLYMPICS, CA, Holidays, PARTY!
do support me and my teammates for polympics alright people!
its on tues at 630pm, sports hall.

my floorball skills suck so if you do come down and support, laugh at me when i fall okay?
cos ill be laughing at myself too!
HAHHA.

okbyetillifinishmyCTs.

*WIDE WIDE WIDE SMILE*

138 - LALALA AH AH RAMMA RAMMAMAMA GAGA OOHLALA WANT YOUR BAD ROMANCE

2009-11-10T02:43:00.000-08:00

school has been awesome with my wonderful dodols, making my oh so quiet days in NP a really hell loads of fun especially eating and staring at each other with darn sleepy faces, finding new eyecandies and talk about life. i'm starting to appereciate what i could make do with the people that have always been around me that i've never took notice of.

ive been busy with a lot of assignments to finish off. this includes SAWI's last steps, still need ideas to beef up my project and finding the materials for hard copy still makes me dizzy; DRAFT for NR needs to be done by this week cos i have 2 more weeks left and 1000 words don't come out from my brain just by itself; perfecting my NSL skills to ace practical test in week 5 (ALERT:NEXT WEEK); Study for FON test for next week's tutorial; AAP notes before week 6; upcoming polympics with yus and the rest (:DDDDDD i miss my floorball stick!) and loads more that i need to take care of.

____________________________________________________________________

SAWI outing with 26 monthsary outing

hotcakes smiley face :D

my lovely boy right there was really helpful to accompany me for my SAWI project. he had to follow me twice cos the first attempt was hopeless as pictures at night are a nono. So we had another outing on our 26th monthsary and the day went awesome. breakfast at mac's with mum, playing racing games on asyraf's new game consoles, walking around aimlessely while i tried to withstand the dizziness i had (cos i was losing a lot of blood) and the long story ride home which summed up everything that happen at school. he was a really good listener.

although he forgot to wish me at 12am while we were talking on the phone (i frgt abt it too. hehe) the text you gave me at 1 am in the morning was a really really sweet thing to do and i love you even more than i ever do.

happy 26th monthsary to you and i
i know you'll always be there and i've always got your back
you know i love you (:

"alaa syg, don't be like that."
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA inside joke.
:DDD

oh oh i forgot see what i got in my mailbox today!

hafiz's cute little artsy fartsy envolope
there's a small note there "send by: nasyita's postman"
hahahaha
and this is what i got in return

fitri's reply
asyur was her postman.
HAHAHHA
thanks guys
although the order was a failure.
HAHAHAHA - again.

these are the small things that make me smile
:D

137 - good girl gone way way way bad.

2009-11-02T04:06:00.000-08:00

its either theres something wrong with me or people around me are just fcking clueless that i am ard in this world. i dont crave for attention. i just need reassurance whether i make some sense in their fucking life and worthy of being in their lives or the things i do are just not to their liking. if i don't, i am glad to leave from their lives and pretend nothing happened between us.

i really hate the fact that i cried to sleep after that incident. i am still schooling and i dont have any financial support. why the hell did she get money for who-knows when i have school and that is actually more important? not only that, she gets more than what i do. i even had to ask to get it while on her side, money flow like water just like that. what, me going to school is not important enough? ( matter of fact = it seems unimportant now cos i am a nobody ) i do have some money but how long am i suppose to use my savings on stuff that I crave for? those that you could afford for me last time but not now? or for my future? its not only a matter of days but a matter of weeks. if it means that much to you, i could give back the money that was passed. it was as if its not sincere. why give?

i really hate the fact that everytime i try to make random calls or random texts, it will just turn out bad. really bad. its like i cant call out of a sudden especially when you asked why i called. why cant i call? if i cant call then dont fucking pick up. and i thought i missed you but heck, i dont know what im feeling right now. someway or somehow, i will get mad and then you will say sorry for idk what cause, why say sorry when you dont even know your mistake which you actually should know? i know my sorries wouldnt count cause i will always tend to do it. i dont know what the hell is wrong with me like really. or maybe its you? i cried everytime you had something to do or had to go. idk maybe people dont like the way we are together?

AND i really hate the fact that people pretend that their mistakes seems okay after a few seconds. the least they could do is talk to me. why should i always make the first move and pretend it is all okay. they know they are at fault, then talk. i wont bite. the least i could do is just ignore if i am still not okay with you or you feel the pain that i had went thru because of you. they think its so easy to just forgive and forget. although i am trying my best to but it is damn hard. i know you might be thinking i am making a huge deal out of this but i kept it for too long. it has happened too many times. once in a while i had to make it okay although it hurts and i had to adapt to the new situations but after a while, i had to adapt too much that it changes things.

I TOTALLY HATE THE FACT THAT MY HORMONES ARE RAGING AND MAKE ME LIKE THIS. PMS OR WHATEVER SHIT, PLEASE GIVE ME THE TIME OF THE MONTH ALREADY. I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

ASS.

sometimes i wonder why i do this.

136 - thriller night

2009-11-01T03:03:00.000-08:00

had a fun time during halloween despite being dumped and feeling so down. the atmosphere was so exciting and spooky with all the bungalows being decorated with all the spiders, pumpkins, cotton wool to make spider webs and not forgetting the sweets! i had half a bag of sweets that i brought along with me. it was definitely worth it. it was like playing at the arcade machine which offers sweets after every one dollar, except this one, it was for free. HAHA. now i have half a month supply of sweets for my boring lectures. furthurmore, some of them are imported from the USA. cool or whaaatt? and the highlight of the day was that even makcik keropok came for halloween!

this trick or treat is gna be an annual one i guess. gonna bring people who have no plans on halloween in the years to come. this include halloween parties after that - cos we are all legal remember? hahaha.

_____________________________________________________________________

seoul garden was the bomb. i ate like i haven't ate for months and i found a person who could eat non stop like me, farhan. i swear he loves seafood like how i love seafood. the other tables were done eating except me and him, we kept taking lala cockles and prawns like nobody's business. i swear i love em prawns. yum yum yum. it got me thinking of it again. i swear i have high cholestrol in my blood. HAHA.

had a lot of meat and also stories shared. it made me realise that first impressions always have a story behind it and never judge a book by its cover. you won't know what the person went thru and became like how we intrepret it. i really misjudged people so much that when i start to hang around, they are not what you think they are. they are real people and although they appear strong or not to your liking on the outside, they have went through a lot that you can imagine. they lived through reality and not wonders as most of us are kinda privileged. and their happiness are real and they make you happy as well.

i dont know, maybe i depend tooooo much on the people that i spend a lot with in these couple of years that i tried not to get close to the ones that are new to me cos i misjudged them by having opinions made by your bffs. but heck, now i know how true friends can be. and i am not biased but i know which side i'm rooting for.

and to hafiz, i miss you a lot.

135 - doing that thing you do

2009-10-28T22:12:00.000-07:00

i feel so tiny weeny. that is me after hip hop with tickets to international idol this friday going with the girls. steph and farhan is going to perform. can't wait for steph's awesome vocals and farhan's barracuda's performance. also this friday my class having an outing to seoul garden for our class bonding. sadly, all the savings this week is gonna get used up. but heck, mum's getting her pay. hehehehhe.

hitting party city tommorow for halloween costume hunt, asy being harry potter, sis being a dead ballerina, mum's being a pirate and me being an angel perhaps? gna go find a halo to put on. HAHA. and idk what should i match it with? a dress? nyeaha. trick and treating is gna be fun!

a lot of my soon to be weekends are full with activities not forgetting i should be starting on my assignments soon. i dont know why i am on my blog when i was suppose to start on my SAWI 1000 word essay with videos or articles and a project outline. just a list to remind me i am NOT having my holidays still..

- Singapore and world issues essay outline ( start research: Fort Canning Park? Arab street? )
- Nursing research articles & plan meetups
- AAP revision ( cnt cope with eugene's lect. )
- NSL homework by friday
- FON copy of tutorial 1 and 2
- Pharmacology test revision (TMR TMR TMR)
- Cell Molecular biology revision (DNA DNA DNA NUCLEIC ACID)

upcoming outings/events
- BDD
- international idol
- seoul garden
- hallowwwweeeeeeeeeeeen + gig
- Team bonding day
- dee's beats encore performance ($15++)
- wavehouse again?
- ... monthsary? =/ have yet to plan an awesome one yet??!

ok im getting crayyyyyyyzeeeeee.

and if anybody is observant enough, my song playlist on the blog is cool so go check it out yawll.
hahahhahahha.

i know i'm sweet like that. cos ive been drinking chrysenthemum tea ( air bunga ) and it makes me all flowerrry adding on with sunflowers near my backyard which i see them every single day when i go to school, that is just awesome. like jason mraz's song, life is indeed wonderful.

thanks hafiz for spoiling me and cooking for me so i have lunch at school.
everybody say it with me, awwwwwwwwwwwwwww :D

134 - he's the one?

2009-10-24T22:52:00.000-07:00

we did went to our destination but me being so rushed, i forgot to bring my camera. but hey the time we spent there was totally awesome. adding on we went stargazing and shared our dinner under the sunset, played games that i always end up winning, people-watched like we always do and talked like we've never talked before.

after so long, i've never imagined that i will trust somebody as much as i did with you and i've learned so much that the thought of letting go will crush me completely. remember the walls i've built? they tumbled down, without making a sound.

promises made and hope it won't get broken.

ily.

133 - let me get what i want

2009-10-20T04:27:00.000-07:00

i have a looooong wishlist and anybody who could get all the things that i want, i will love him/her to death. HAHA.

second day of school, i dont know why but i am loving what i do. it seems like i'm excited as the day goes by. also with awesome classmates around who are kinda blur and dumb dodols makes it more exciting. the best part is, my timetable rawks like heajfnesjlhvlkjhgsjdbgnse.

monday - looking forward to dance class :D
tuesday - cellular microbiology is darn cool
wednesday - i finish at 4
thursday - i finish at 1
friday - i finish at 12. yes, twelve noon and i can party the weekend away!

have yet to consider going to wavehouse this friday. ooooooh damn eggcited. also maybe might be going sentosa's spooktacular with foc mates or boyfee cos i have a promo which allows me to have an entry to wavehouse, a free house drink and enter to spooktacular.

also red camp coming up! of course, gna be part of it but as a HS ambassador. wohooo.

and to wawa and farah, we can barely meet now due to break slots that never allow us to meet so random texts or meetups will be treasured dearly :D

not forgetting ika and dee, hows schooooooollll babes?

132 - the way she moves around when she grinds to the beat

2009-10-16T03:37:00.000-07:00

i love my hair in the picture and that is how my hair behaves, when i want to cut it, its damn nice. i got my hair that wanted, vanessa hudgen's. HAHA

14 october was farah's and mine 'anniversary'. we went to bugis for idk 1231435634582348 times and we went to manhattan fish market to eat. we were lucky to have student meals and were entertained with soapy love songs. there's still a bucket of pictures yet to upload so farah, you know what to do :D

yesterday's L01 raya outing was fun but a bit unorganized cos most of the houses we couldn't go. but still, i had a great time.

i'm going jamming tmr morning with the band, which i have yet to tell you guys. i have a band. hahaha i know it seems weird but yeah.

hahaha so long and goodnight gooooonssss!

131 - he talk like this cos he can back it up

2009-10-12T19:04:00.000-07:00

there was RYAN, CA, meetup dinner, raya and rainbow slurp outing.

too many updates, so little time.

130 - ignorance is my new best friend

2009-09-14T00:24:00.000-07:00

i had fun baking chocoloate chip cookies with the new machine my mum bought a few months ago. it's really cool i tell you. hahahaha. me and asyraf had to take 10 mins to assemble the thing.
we realised that the instructions were on the thing itself. haha. so we mixed all the things needed and the machine will just mix it for you. the bowl will twirl by itself. its really cool that it doesnt take any effort. now i'm excited to bake muffins!

so i went to johor the other time and had lots of fun shopping. i didnt had time to buy my shoe and bag so i went to orchard to get them. oh yah check this out. my wrist had a heart. :D i only realised it at 12am in the morning at giant in johor. hahaha

and yah one more surprise. even i managed to punk hafiz.
i've cut my hair.

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and i'm in love with wedges/platforms!
thought of getting one soon.
:DD

129 - i'm all yours

2009-09-09T07:56:00.000-07:00

2nd anniversary!

so it's the time of the year again. HAHA. it was mine and hafiz's second year. a few nights before we discussed whether its going to be a big or small scale event ( an event is already big -__- ) cos it was fasting month and its hard to dine in some expensive restaurant. so i promised i planned the whole date cos he always has to do it. and yes the plan went way too good. HAHA.

i wanted to make it damn special with a touch of nasyita in it. so i started to hunt down a lot of presents, thanks to ika and farah for accompanying me to town and in the end didnt find out anything cos i had a tummy ache. thanks to my sister for following me find the right present -actually she got paid to follow -___- so the card was carefully made with my bare hands cos the papers were expensive. i nearly had a cut with a pen knife. haha. and i love making cards! adding on, i had 24 small little notes in the bag full of confetti and rose petals that my mum got from school. i feared the present wasn't what he wanted. the notes contained what i liked about him for every month that passed by us.

so i perilously hid the present in a bag and tried not to squash it and make it obvious that there was a present inside. so we went to the cinemas like we always do, running to catch a show. HAHA. we managed to catch the proposal and after that it was nearly time to break our fast and we head to popeye's at flyer. hafiz still doesnt have a clue i had a surprise in store for him after he gave me a box of fererro rocher like he used to. the funny thing was we didnt plan to wear white at the same time and we had the same thoughts of eating popeye and it came out at the same time. well, great minds think alike. HAHAHA.

after that we head to esplanade, and sat at the very same spot where i started to fall for him years back. sadly, he didnt know. but it was okay cos it was time for presents! he was dumbfounded. as he unfold the cards and carefully read every little piece of notes, he couldn't stop smiling and saying awwwwwww after every note. HAHA. and tralalalala, he finally opened up the present and was damn happy cos it was from macbeth. HAHA. i made him feel guilty cos he didnt really plan to give any presents since its small scale. HAHA.

there you go, you got a very very very happy Hafiz.

you know i love you.

♥

128 - playtime for the young and rich

2009-09-06T22:19:00.000-07:00

so last saturday i went to geylang and i've never been so mad at people in my life. i'm not whining but the streets of geylang has been overpopulated with people whom i want to squeeze and kill them as if i gave a big fcuk abt them. if you've been there, you know what i mean.

nevertheless, i had fun with my mum, bro, aunt and cousin. me and my aunt were talking about most of the people cos we very becok like that. haha. while asyraf and eliana were crazy about YOYO. (i still have yet to get what the hell they are crazy about -____-) we had a crazy time eating ice cream at TKC ( as seen in the pictures ) we wanted turkish ice cream but we were out of time and there were heckloads of people at the food area near joo chiat. however, we manage to get through the truckloads of people by cutting other people who walked like snails and playing fast and furious choo choo train. HAHA. i am so kiddish. but hey it was fun.

i had the famous mee kuah that i didnt finish and gave to my sister who went for a job interview and only could get the job in 22 days. HAHA. i also had blueberry drink which reminded me of my holiday trip to Cherating. my aunt bought dendeng which got me addicted to it. that i ate it otw back home in my dad's bus. its was yum yum yum. but yesterday's causway point's dendeng was a failure. it wasnt really cook so it was raw. i want kebab now. HAHA

tmr's outing gna be hell loads of fun. i can squeeeeeeeezzzze hafiz as much as i want. muahaha. and i've lined up a few surprises here and there. hehehe. shhhhhhhh!

oh the clique outing confirmed? if you guys are going this saturday, i'm giving it a miss. i'm going to johor this saturday = SHOPPINGGGGGGG for shooooooooes and baaaaaaaagsssss and kuehssss. so if you guys dont mind change it on sunday or smething? or since you all not free then go without me.

gna have meetups with dear afiqah after her work or something. texting her sometime next week. i missed SP's party which turned out to be awesome according to her. dang.

happy 2nd year anniversary to rain and dee!

AND TO wawa = you want hugs? HAHA. i'm all yours.

127 - how did you get here under my skin?

2009-09-05T01:15:00.000-07:00

this was how messy when i took out all the stuff that i kept in my drawer. and trust me, all the stuff on that table was thrown away and there's still little amount of space to put something inside. sheesh. i really need to throw away all my past - which made me laugh now.

i am addicted to demi lovato's here we go again which just makes me scream out all my anger and all about having fun. but trust me, it was more of anger alright. hahaha. which in the end made me laugh at myself for being such a douchebag. ( FRED says its a doochebag. i am a doochebag. haha )

shane dawson, fred and smosh has been entertaining enough. not forgetting new moon which made me scared cos its now at the scary part. 60 more parts to go! whooooie~ it also accompanied me to sleep yesterday cos Hafiz was at SP partying. haha. its funny when i hear about it. its just not him. i can't imagine him go clubbing. HAHAHAHA. "and i realise something. i'm not a club person. i'm more of a gig person. moshing in a club would be weird isnt it?" haha hafiz, you are weird.

next thursday i have to substitute as a recept for IM. 70 bucks for my bag! next tuesday - tuition and saturday, non stop tuition at cck and yishun. i hope i wouldnt get lost.

126 - bella's lullaby

2009-09-03T00:10:00.000-07:00

i am in the midst of listening to new moon's audiobook.

and now i understand why people are so crazy over edward cullen.

:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

125 - hush hush hush hush

2009-08-31T05:39:00.000-07:00

and it was all yellow

im in the midst of creating a skin, since ive got 21 days to spare before my ultimate attachment. i am loving my lappy, fufu, cos it has the most beautiful thing in the world. adobe master collection :D if you know me, you know how crazy i am with graphics and editing.

tetris-sing with hafiz on the phone can be very very very irritating and funny at the same time. its like hearing all the vulgars on the other line while i kept gasping and saying mummyy at the same time. i know, my reaction is quite not really a reaction if that's what you call it. hafiz is a good boy today, went home as early as 12 pm [hahahah cos he never do]

panic at the kitchen just now, just before breaking fast. the whole kitchen smelled like belacan and cili padi due to my epic failure of cooking nasi goreng klasik. dont ask me why the name is like that. i was tasked to cook for this whole week and have to search for recipes to bake cookies and kueh for hari raya but i'm craving to bake muffins rather than cookies. with dark chocolate muffin and colourful bright neon icing with sprinkles and cream with cherry on top. i love cooking :D

back to hunting for my skin and eat eat eat eat eat eat.
ham and cheese sandwich!
nata de cococococococo

maw maw maw maw mymimeeemomuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
i'm watching phineas and ferb tmr morning!
wohoooooooooo

alongside that remark,
i miss chuck bass :(
my chuck bass.

124 - mymemomimuuuu mymemomimooo

2009-08-26T02:44:00.000-07:00

i felt it once and i'm feeling it coming once again. i hate to be the one asking everybody whats going on with their lives and whats new cos i guess they dont want me to be a part of it. of course of course, i'm old news. they dont have to tell me. its so easy. just shun me out of thier lives as if nothing has happened. i am a happy girl.

i'm so used to be the one asking and finding out that i'm sick of it. damn sick of it that it led me to not think straight. during my papers, on my way to school thinking that all the damn answers are in my head. especially today. i made up selfish ways just to find a reason and heck, karma hit me good.

call me when i deserve to know, cause i cant be waiting for nothing and still figuring out what is hidden cause i already tried damn hard that im too tired to catch up. ~~what i'm not trusty enough?~~ seriously, i want this to end a damn Fcuking lot.

and now i need a hug.

123 - he is mine

2009-08-23T21:22:00.001-07:00

i miss this boy right now. i'm trying my best to keep up till this friday where i'm gonna squeeeeeze his cheeks and arms like no one cares. especially when there are no means to contact him due to his scandal taking over his phone - prepaid card. so i guess i'll have to wait.

i thought of planning to meet up with farah but i guess she's at winnie's studying her ass off. that's the next place i can find her aint it? ika and dee's got school due to exams and good luck to you both. wawa, studying or maybe out with her friends or having somebody over. and me? i just woke up, hoping to finish studying PAS and MIC BY TODAY with the help of an empty house of no calls, no music and no internet - later.

my phone isn't ringing.
perhaps being in solitude works best.
why should i bother abt other ppl's lives ain't it?
being labelled as a busybody or such.

wait, dida where are you?

heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
just joking. i bet she's studying her ass off too, AT STARBUCKS.
lol

its fasting month ppl!
(singing tune, neh ni neh ni poo poo) i'm gonna loose weight, i'm gonna loose weight!

kantoi.

122

2009-08-23T21:10:00.000-07:00

whatever happened to the sanity that we all had and the common space of saying out whatever's on their mind, i want it back. i want it all back. i can't take it anymore. i hate pretending.

why can't it just be like this

' I miss ___&___ right now!!!! I need to give up one weekend of partying to meet them soon.......... I still love you girls most k? Though i don't show but you must know. xoxo '

121 - bitter heart just to keep it all inside

2009-08-21T10:01:00.000-07:00

okay i dont know where to start. i feel like bursting.
CAN THIS THING THATS BEEN BOTHERING ME END LIKE AKJFEKJNWSVAVHANDSDGFWERGUIHRSGJASKDHGEIWAGUHRWOAG
PRETEND GAMES ARE OVER GUYS.
I WAVE THE WHITE FLAG.
I PROPOSE A HEART TO HEART SHARING SESSION OVER DRINKS PEOPLE.
EEEEEEEEEEEE.

i love emo rollercoaster, this will end up in tears.

121 - you're like a dream, a dream come true

2009-08-17T23:05:00.000-07:00

i'm a sucker for love songs and the latest song that i'm hooked is by jonas brothers. i need a bowl of ice now to take away the numb on my fingers because i have been playing the chords over and over again to perfect it. maybe i am able to make it a surprise or something. i have yet to plan.

i'm yearning to watch GG 3 which airs during my attachment break in the US. talking about attachement = second batch = my hari raya gone = plan outings with me people!

i realise i've been on this skin way too long. i will be searching for new skins at a later date when all my exams are over and the 3 week break after 28 august is on. fasting month! geeee i'm so excited idk why although my hari raya went down the drain. breaking fast with FOC girls, sec sch mates, boyfee has to be planned alongside my part time work with american school adding on fasting and oh so exciting attachment (which i am scared of).

from now on, i will try to decrease my emo posts as it's shown previously. its just that i had a rough time and nobody seems to wanna listen so i put it on my blog. simple.

i've been sidetracking my revisions and i'm sick and tired of it. especially why i cant beat the tetris score on facebook and also sims 3 which appeals to me all of a sudden and also the tv with awesome movies shown. i am dead meat.

asyraf doesnt seem to help either. i asked him to pester me to study and he will do the opposite.

sheeshkebabhailamamamamama.

=\

120 - i'm finding mr brightside

2009-08-15T09:26:00.000-07:00

stay tuned for a pocket full of sunshine that is gonna shine out my way.
i think i am bipolar.

119 - why did we end up like this

2009-08-10T04:49:00.000-07:00

i think people have a lot of trouble saying their problems with me to my face.
but when i list down my reasons, all the deaf ears stand before me leaving me to just keep quiet and never talk about it. so how? should i just eat myself up?

sometimes i feel like killing myself.

118 - this time we climb so far to fall again

2009-08-01T23:42:00.001-07:00

monday
Fasting
wake up late - yay! (no NSL lesson)
AAP lympathic system (gives me headaches)
break fast at idk where?
DO SOCIOLOGY PWP!

tuesday
Fasting?
FON presentation.
FON careplan = 9% of module!
AAP tuition
HS delegates meeting (wohoo go usherers!)

Wednesday
fasting.
sociology group meeting
AAP lecture
Tuition
Grab my uniform from the shop
study my ass off for NSL prac

Thursday
fasting? no/maybe
NSL practical test at 2-4
start AAP-ing

Friday
fasting?
or should i go out with hafiz?

Saturday
fasting.
Rentak Singapura (!!!!!!)(have yet to listen intently to 89.7fm. so balme myself if i don't know any song.)

Sunday
fasting.
FINISH UP SOCIOLOGY!
START FON-ING.

________________________________________________________________

among my timetable in the week, i only meet my boyfee once.
now i get it why he's been so hard working on this relationship while i'm just cruising thru it.

i'm sorry.

/EDIT/

I ~~FORGOT~~ know THAT THIS COMING SATURDAY IS OUR 23RD MONTHSARY!
OMG OMG OMG.

HOW?

/EDIT/

117 - watch him as he goes

2009-07-30T05:15:00.000-07:00

it's a blur. how a day can be the best and the worst at the same time. it's like one minute, you forget about the whole world, just being with your favourite person and they left you feeling appalled at the next moment. have you ever been in such situations? cos i just did.

somehow maybe i have to get a grip at the past and move on as if the past is just history. what if the past haunts you until you fear of what is going to happen in the future or even at this second in life? live in fear or just put out a brave upfront and face it cos it is still going to be there and nothing could change it.

i've never felt so stabbed and morose that every word that had been said started to raise question marks in my head, making me doubtful of everything that i have done wrong in the past that might be right or could go right. what everyone can benefit from and perhaps they can be happier than they are cos i cant seem to give what they want. i even gave myself a chance to learn and show what you wanted me to be and i felt i kinda lost in myself. i didn't know such sincere intentions can get all complicated that it resulted in something else. the thing is i was so brainless and never ever thought it was one of the reasons until yesterday hit me like a ton of bricks. i played a game that i thought i mastered but in the end, it pinched me. how could i overlooked such a simple reason?

whether it is a compliment or adoration, it doubted me now. whether it is for me or just another sentence that makes me go 'yeaah right'. especially after adoring a really good looking person, obviously we're incomparable cos who could i defeat anyway, i'm always at the losing end. adding up to what every other person who have hinted or judge me, what makes your comments so credible for me to believe?

look on the 'bright' side, why are you with me-again?

'irdk'

as intricate as this post might be, i just want this to stay here. NOBODY (including you) to question, ask or vice versa what it's all about. i've come to a conclusion that i AM okay with it and this is just a one time affair and i am just expressing what i think about this situation.

that is it.

116 - your sex is on fire

2009-07-26T01:58:00.000-07:00

charlie simpson is yummy.

115 - 108, we're losing you

2009-07-25T07:04:00.000-07:00

i was at Ignite yesterday despite my constant cough and a different tone of voices. i screamed my heart out when a vacant affair performed. i love AVA. this was my second time watching them live and its awesome. i wonder if fightstar's gna come cos if they are, i am soo gonna go.

i lazed around today doing basically nothing. i woke up at 12noon due to my late night talks and also the hyperness of yesterday night or maybe the meds took over me so i pitied boyfee for a moment.

CITS presentation on monday, HS delegates meeting on tuesday, AAP tutoring on wed, MIC prac on thursday and idk anything special on fri. maybe i should plan to go out with boyfee cos i miss him a lot. HAHA. (those words barely come out from me, really.)

can we get over this already?

hold on hold on,
i've been waiting here for too long
for too long.

114 - i'm gonna take you out tonight, i'm gonna make you feel alright

2009-07-15T06:29:00.000-07:00

i am loving kate spade's bags and i'm planning to buy a bag. my current one is nearly torn and it can't carry the load that i am carrying right now.

i can hear boyfee saying 'wait for me to rob a bank.'

i'm in the midst of panic attack and brain congestion.

i need my spa vacation now, please.

=\

113 - how could you be so dr evil?

2009-07-13T06:27:00.000-07:00

idk why i'm blogging. hahaha. i'm gna talk crap.

i'm loving school now. with projects nearly done and assignments done. the company's been awesome. laughed my arse off just now with elyne and dida about having speech and hearing problem. these people just need to dig their ears and enunciate words right - including me. HAHA.

twittering tom, listening to the fray and psychology project slides to finish up.

i'm missing afiqah, huda, wani, ezzati and atiqah!

):

112 - essay done

2009-07-12T03:37:00.000-07:00

so i was up at 12am yesterday night singing songs to my dear boyfee on the phone and hoping to finish my essay that is due in 2 weeks while boyfee was watching this show who showed a character that has a devil dad and angel mum while taufik was laughing hysterically and i could hear it which made me laugh even more and that dragged on till 2am which results me in doing this.

interesting enough? no?

i am so glad CNP project is done! i'm starting school tmr so its all back to the -___- and :O and :D and =/ and +____+ and ^>^ faces.

hahahahah idk whats wrong with me.
ouh i'm missing some drinks
pretty pretty drinks

hahah guess what people, my essay is done at last!
:D

words cant express how i feel

i dont know what's the big deal in korean dramas.
what's the big deal? really?

i've got CITS shitzxzxzzx tmr.
and have to start on FON alrd.
also finish up my PAS presentation
and MIC test this week.

all sunk in yet?

NAHH.
WEKK!

OKAY THIS GOTTA BE THE MOST CRAPIEST ENTRY EVER.
seriously.

as haunting as it may be

2009-07-11T07:37:00.000-07:00

we may appear as the weirdest and most un-understandable couple
but what matters most is that theres you and theres me
listening to our song as we embraced
nothing could beat that moment
where i could just close my eyes with serenity

happy 22nd month hafiz

♥

'you're so artsy fartsy like that'
' hahahahahahah yeah rite -_____- '

'i didn't know my boyfriend is so dramatic'
'i didn't know my girlfriend was a sleepy bum'

'my boyfriend is scared of ___'
'no, it's just shocking that's all'
' yeah rriiiitttteeee'

the haunting of Connecticut was awesome.

why do i put myself in these situations

2009-06-28T19:14:00.000-07:00

yes, its the holidays for me! at last. project meetings this wed thurs and friday. wouldnt be able to make it on friday for cnp cos i'll be going overseas. And that's when i can go gaga over shopping and getting all the food i want.

i just wanna break out form being in this same situation that happened a year back. being not in the know and gotten to know from somebody else is so yesterday. it's like i've never existed and i have to go on my own painstaking journey to find out what is it and in the end, i'm the one losing out.

its okay, i have plenty of things to look out for. the shopping trip, my sims 3 marathon (!!), the spa trip, the karaoke trip, the movie marathon trip and the stargazing trip all to myself. it's time to indulge and close my ears to all that is happening outside.

exhausted - TOTALLY.

red is now my favourite colour
:D

you know you're my saving grace

2009-06-18T06:04:00.000-07:00

i've finished 90210 season one and how silver and dixon's relationship progressed. its kinda sad silver have a bipolar disorder and its like a whole new reality sets in. dixon and silver went through a lot. i don't know why i'm posting about them but yeah, enjoy :)

sometime being different isn't a bad thing either especially
when i'm not the typical and normal girlfriend that loves all those normal things
and you might not know just what our fate will be.

i'm a dead person

2009-05-30T08:09:00.000-07:00

spasm.

Saturday sumed up as FUN. like 'inney kudusai mmmchunga unthaya'. AHAHHA. only me and my siblings know that, unless you are a HUGE drake and josh fan. :D it was a really really hot and humid saturday with 10,000 people around you in a small little place called wild wild wet. long queues to rides, slow moving lines in the shower and the hot blazing sun shining on your skin with one task in mind, how to find your boyfriend in that tiny little place with people shoving you around. trust me, i gave up after an hour.

i have some foam party pictures in the process which i love them a lot. the others, well not so much. or maybe the fact that didicazly was there to perform at the concert. funny story, i had to run all the way from ehub's toilet to see didi at d'marquee when the initial plan was to find a shirt protector. okay, i know boyfee will be like 'you would wanna run for a stranger when you see him but you dont do that for me'. sorry boyfee :(

but the best part was to ride the ular-lah with a bunch of oh-perasan-hot sissys screaming like AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH in high pitch with me laughing away instead of screaming like hell. but i love 'em sissys. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA :D

my eyes are dreading to shut them tight and wake up late tmr. i have floorball practise but i won't be coming. i have overdued stuff to do like study NSL before this coming practical test, AAP before i can go crazy about gluteus maximus, FON test before i'm in a state of confusion between its ethics and history, AAP quiz before i'm irritated cos i got 19/20 but now its like 18, uniforms to alter and ironed, CITS assignments and grp work to hand up before i go insane, NPSU'S form and picture before i lose my GL-potential place, the uniform protector to buy before i panic, plan a date with boyfee before i go mentally crooked cos its been long since we've talk, like really talk, plan sneaky weakies and the financial stuff before i loose my mind, talk to my mum about PDA ordering before i use up all the money for that, buy a concession or my monday will be cockup.

MY HOLIDAYS, THEY ARE GOING GOING GONE.
TAKE ME TO DESARU PLEASE!
SOMEBODY!

and i'm still waiting for boyfee to text/call me since 245pm just now. i bet he's as dead beat as me.

what a couple.
BOOOSHAA :(

pocket full of sunshine

2009-05-27T08:27:00.000-07:00

catching up with her in MI made me realize that that could have been my future if i seem sure to stand my ground and prove to myself that i could do it. the atmosphere in MI was fun but i'm sure there's too much going on which only an inside understatement between me and her. :D i miss my dear friend. she was the one who was my other half during sec school and everything i know about her, she does the same way about me. now i know why it seems difficult to let it out.
but nevertheless, i'm okay right now. i fell and learnt to get my way back up - alone. i guess its time to grow up. face it, cause it will always be like that and it's gonna stay that way for my whole life.

exams, clinical attachments, birthdays, camps and projects are up during term break.
i can make it through this i'm sure.
i'm begining to love what i do.

:D

and that IS a good thing.

shut up and put your money where your mouth is

2009-05-22T23:48:00.000-07:00

i'm tired of pretending i'm okay when i'm not.
i loathe being like this.
i don't even know where to start or how to begin.
i'm uncertain of expressing it to anyone.
i'm too tired to look for anyone cos it has always been that way for a very long time.

maybe it's just the time of the year where everybody you smile at seems weird and you're just left on the sidelines.

crush me.

invincible

2009-05-19T22:50:00.000-07:00

heartless and disappointed, i'm invincible.

2009-05-15T09:12:00.000-07:00

and we went *stomp stomp stomp*jdhfasjengfkja PSSSSSS
during stomp the yard movie watch at library.

thats all folks, overdued pictures.

who the fcuk am i kidding?

2009-05-13T07:02:00.000-07:00

is it just me or every single person i know shun themselves away from me?
did i do anything wrong?

who am i kidding, i guess i did.

insanity

2009-05-09T05:14:00.000-07:00

it was an unplanned date. boyfee kinda got me all wired up on nothing -as usual- on the previous night. farah knew what happened. it was funny and yet sad at the same time.

I was going to school in a dress, with make up on for the first time in school. my hair was all done up with bobby pins to hold up my french twist. everybody wondered why i was so dressed up. it was obvious, i had a date after school.

everybody went awwwwww. (haha not exactly)

ladidadida, went the clock and a whole awesome time in NSL laughing my ass off, it was time to officially meet him. i really thought i angered him the night before but i guess it was just a joke. HAHA. apparently the trick was on me.

after a week and a half not seeing him, it was kinda weird at first. he handed me a red rose and suddenly my face lit up like a beam of light. i was happy. the train ride was crappy with our jokes and our acts. i missed him terribly.

the night went on to our dinner which was kinda normal (sorry boyfee) at pastamania. me with my spicy chicken which was so spicy that i didnt finish it. boyfee had problems of eating too much cos he has been trying to lose weight by not eating at night, hence gastric problems. i felt kinda harsh cos i was the one who wanted him to lose all those fats. how evil. :(

after that we went to suntec's fountain of wealth and just talked the night away. he gave me two more roses cos i always destroy his initial plan every single month. every rose represented something and i was a really happy kid. once again, i didnt have anything prepared for him. i feel bad once again.

slacked at suntec's starbucks couch and took pictures on his blackberry which has yet to reach to my phone/lappy. the rest of the night went superb for an unplanned date.

throughout the 20 months we're on this ride, i wanna thank you once again for being there for me, regardless of how i always pushed you away, trying your best to meet up with my busy schedule, allowing me to be who i am and not control any of my actions. i never doubted you in any way. nobody understands our relationship the way we do. i love you.

another year over and we're still together, its not always easy but ill live forever cos we are the lovers, i know you believe me when you look into my eyes cos the heart never lies.

tomato, CATCH UP!

2009-05-02T08:06:00.000-07:00

yesterday was just a short catch up with ika while a longer one with wawa and farah. the school timetable seems to abhore us that we all cant even meet each other on campus. either we have no same break or so many new friends to hang out with. Poly seems more of a socialising rather than hands on studying to me.

yesterday's trip to new york seems to be a wild one. a mixture of sexaye icey creamy cold drinks and great company made me go kuku in the brain. i wasnt high. i was just unsure and maybe a bit tipsy. its the mixture of drinks or is it just me? rabak naassshhhh.

the conversation that went along with it made me think very far. giving people advice isn't my forte but i try my very best to give what i think i should be giving. i am in no position to say something is wrong or right cos i've never been in that situation before. maybe i can be judged by what i think cos the way those advices came out, to me, it felt as if i'm a slut. HAHA. blame it on my lack of experiences.

good luck to whoever on it. as much as i know, why do you care about his past when its the future that counts? cheyy quoted by me okay. HAHA.

btw, i saw this pic. am i fatter now?

before

after

HAHAHAHAHA flood my taggieboardie!

damn the sore throat virus

2009-04-28T22:24:00.000-07:00

so i'm stuck with sore throat and migraines causing high temperatures in my body. i am missing 3 lectures today and i have yet to send my scholarship applications.

school so far has been damn great. joking around with firdaus, and disturbing yusrin with his brand new name, laughing with nanthini due to no reason at all, hearing amira's not funny jokes but laugh at the same time, crapping with dida, talking about robert pattinson with elyne and amira was crazy, laughing my ass off with sabby during floorball, saying and waving to a lot of people around school. all seemed worthwhile.

i have yet to make any decisions about my overseas trip. there's india, manilla and langkawi to go to and its all freeee.

manilla perhaps? ooooooh. can't wait.

oh, boyfee and i made a pinky swear about something and he is all worked up about it. i guess this time, he's darn serious. ooooh. yummy. *afiqah's reaction* HAHA.

so long and goodbye.

HONEY

2009-04-22T03:34:00.000-07:00

Ky, HSN

kecoh friends

3rd day of school, still kinda new to a lot of stuffs. managed to catch HONEY during our 3 hour break between lectures. and i swear i love wednesdays. i start early and end early. all of it are lectures. suppose to go hockey training but i don't think i wanna join hockey. i signed up for a lot of cca's which i am not sure i should go or not. i'm going if it netball or floorball.

i'm kinda tired.

till next time.

school was a nightmare!

2009-04-20T06:11:00.001-07:00

fcuk you

hahaha i dont really do that stuff . i am a humble and nerdy nerd who loves to study let me guess BIOLOGY.

that is basically my favourite module for the semester, anatomy and physiology. sounds like grey's anatomy to you? yes it is. parts and functions. i love that. the teacher is so cool!

but i was such a blur ass, i got my way lost in Nsl's class. i made a fool out of myself twice in the same class. somebody make a 03-07 room for me! apparently i got that on my timetable! (the one i scribbled on a piece of white paper.)

walking up and down NP's hills are troublesome i tell you. very troublesome. freaking irritating. i guess my legs will be toned by the end of one semester. HAHA.

my class isnt that bad. people are friendly and apparently good listeners. and i have a laugher in my class so no more awkward silences! :D

if you walk by NP, please say hi if you know me! :D

new skin

2009-04-14T00:52:00.000-07:00

LOADS happen during the past week and i am sure i can get used to these changes. i'll upload more with pictures and words.

i gotta run.
see all you lovely people! :D

i am so...

2009-04-03T22:23:00.000-07:00

i need to have a life. a new life.

come invade me.

weak stamina

2009-04-02T04:08:00.000-07:00

i am so random that i wanted to go for gym today. after seeing nicole scherzinger's body, i was motivated to go to the gym. HAHA. everybody laugh with me. LOL.

when i reached there, i was kinda draggy to go to the 3rd floor so i was more of going to the track since it has been a long time since i've excercised. so my and boyfee did 3 rounds non stop and i was half dead. especially when i was forced to keep my momentum and jog. having hafiz around when you jog can make you go crazy. HAHA.

that's why my face is so corrupted by the tiredness as you can see in the picture above.

IDK whether i should go for tmr's sports event at np. its for all eqypt people! im missing them a lot! just the right event after what i've done for today's workout. HAHA.

ORANGE/FOC outing

2009-03-31T23:10:00.000-07:00

it was a whole damn lot of fun, dares, booze and partying.
i love getting high.

:D

i want more of theesseeeE!

serious shit.

2009-03-31T21:58:00.000-07:00

before i say anything, thanks to all who talked to me and knocked some hard sense into me before people think I'm biased and always want my way.

i know i have my point of view so its not as if i shut down all the rest? i took time to listen and adapt to whatever that has been happening. i am trying my best to please everybody with whatever that is necessary. and its a whole damn hard when i don't even care less about myself anymore, i have nobody to depend on cos every time shit happens this happens. its not that i am unappreciative of whatever you guys have done to me. asking an opinion from a friend of mine doesnt hurt especially when every single person has their own opinion and i respect their opinions. every single one of it.

but at the end of the day, i got bad remarks at myself. and you know how it feels? the feeling of being judge to something you are not and something you are trying your best at? it seriously hurt me a whole damn lot. here i am doing my best and people seem to make their way around it and say whatever they wanna say.

i get it. i know after reading this post, people would be like 'she's seeking attention and oh trying to seek sympathy' all those shit.

i have been fighting back my tears due to this but recently it just got hold of me. that's why people bottle things up. cos every time they talk about it, they get dump just like that. i'm tired of having to say out all the problems that i have and share cos its just darn tiring. i don't want to repeat every single thing cos it just goes back to where things are. circles never end.

in the end, i'm the one involved in the war. i need all my sources before i lose.

and after everything, people will say they don't want to interfere anymore cos people are so fed up at giving their opinions and in the end they don't get heard cos i will always want my way. without you guys telling me all sorts of things, i wouldnt be the person i am standing at right now. i know i love you guys cos without you people giving me advices, i will always think i'm right. so don't have to shut up. just say whatever you want cos now, i'll listen more and its time for me to shut up, seriously. i am willing to learn and change but it takes time.

and once again, thank you a whole lot. there isnt any sarcasm in there. i am sorry if i offend anyone. peace not war.

i told you i'm emo.

thank you ika.

2009-03-30T11:01:00.000-07:00

As much as i want to let it all out and let down my guard, these little voices speak to me creating a heavy cloud over my distraught brain. I thought this could be over and done with in a jiffy but myself being me, i will always turn the simplest things into the most complicated way whatever 'it' has to be. Every fight that happen has to have tears. It flows without its completely true reason. Its transparency that preached was just how the heart has been feeling.

Clear and empty feelings inside.

i can't take it any longer
thought that we were stronger
all we do is linger
slipping through our fingers
i don't wanna fight now
oh this is goodbye to
find a way that i can't tell you

i hate this part right here.

post FOC syndrome

2009-03-29T08:03:00.000-07:00

ORANGE OIEEEE!

so i can still hear the cheers and screams in my head. i swear i woke up next morning searching for the similar faces that i lived the 3 nights with. i wanted to hear the crazy people saying good morning like yasin's and hasif's and also wanying terence hanis tricia vanessa andrea siwen hilary ryan shaun ignatius aloysius darren jianbao geena jon and jerome! i know there's like alot more people. HAHA. overall, i can't wait for tuesday's marina barrage's outing.

so caught up with hafiz and a few others. lepak-ed and screamed like nobody's business. camp cheered all the way. cannot be erased laaaaa! hahaha its like red camp all over again. and can't wait for 10 april's egypt sentosa's outing.

i miss gigs somehow but i'm too lazy for that. HAHA.

i miss the crappy people i know, JZ LEON CH REEN!

okayyyy.

HARDGAY! SAY SAY SAY!

hahaha inside joke. sorry.

:D

i am happy.

2009-03-22T08:26:00.000-07:00

haha who says i am an emo kid? the previous post only happens when i am really down and i was. everybody has their ups and downs so yeah.

anyways, here this cool shit. i hate rihanna but this is a cool cool version of her song. HAHA. it actually sounds like a zombie who seems to be walking around with this as the background song! hahahahha.
well im a saddist. who cares about her anyway.

till next time.

OH i've got camp from tuesday till friday.
so yeah, i am down down down for it!
way too much energy stored in here.

NP HERE I COME!

chasing pavements.

2009-03-19T04:47:00.000-07:00

(kinda emo post)

As much as tmr's my big bittersweet 17th, i've reckon it is going to be bittersweet. I had time to recollect my moments of being 16 and i was disappointed. The previous events that happened at home showed a new side of my anger. Full of temper and forceful strength that wasn't me at all. i sincerely did not know how or why i became that furious.

It was a heartbreaking moment, the time where i just close the whole world that i was in, focussed on myself and no one else, i felt the whole world crumbled to my feet. i felt ashamed, crestfallen and i really didnt know who i was. Change had succumbed me without even myself knowing. All that i went through and done, i had guts, been there, done that and had enough. i had no clue who i am, what i was, where i stood when everything appeared naive. i detested myself.

For that few seconds, i was a nobody. The reflection in the mirror was just an illusion. Emptiness filled me. The image in the mirror wasn't the person i knew all along. Its glaring stare was piercing through me with all the guilt that i had in the past year. The light that was suppose to be there bailed on me. it didnt shine as much as it was suppose to. Those unfateful stares made me fear myself. Only one thing kept ringing in my head 'Who had i become?'

The world seemed cruel somehow and it will be that way forever. How you live is how you take these tests of patience and fate that God has given to you. i miss conciding my problems to God who have been through my lowest points in life. I hope this gives me a wake up call after all. But i thank god for tomorrow.

i'll dream this away and come back another day when i'm less afraid of it all.

____________________________________________________________________

On A lighter note, Farah and me were total arses at MacD's just now after sending my dress and her shirt for alteration. And Farah cannot go out with me. HAHA. Cos i'm kinda a crazy shopper and burning a hole in her pocket is my job!

i'm looking forward to Saturday and NOT tomorrow. i'm turning a year older. Although there'll be a high chance that boyfee wouldnt be there. :(

instead of saying 'how old are you?' why can't people change it to how YOUNG are you?

damn ageing. (haha)

belated 18th

2009-03-11T18:15:00.000-07:00

been busy working lately and so i haven't been in touch with my loved ones especially this lovely guy right here. so yesterday i had my pay and decided to do something out of the ordinary. he planned to go to snow city and i was ubber excited cos i have not gone there before.

i was doubtful of going since it was going to rain and kinda crazy if we got stuck in the cold but thank god, we managed to get to snow city at the right moment where nobody was there. so we paid for an hour (but stayed in for 3 hours) and got our snowsuits on with huge boots. i had to wear an XL jacket cos the smaller sizes are for kids so imagine me as a walking chopstick with a giant fishball on me. it was THAT big. and the jackets doesnt smell at all cos it has been dry cleaned after every person who uses it.

when we entered the place, it wasn't that cold. so we got our snow tubes and went straight for the slide. i was darn hyper for no particular reason. perhaps it was neyo's dream the other night or maybe just spending time with boyfee. HAHA.

snowball (actually dust) fights, wrestling and running away from each other was a very enjoyable moment. at -5.4 degrees, my nose went red and toes went numb but i was still hyperactive. HAHA. i thought i was the only one having fun.

after that cabbed down to heeren, to see my cheap monday pants which was on sale but no size for me. so i was kinda disappointed. went to have dinner and met ika before we went home.

oh yeah, hafiz has just rebonded his hair.

hahah just to let you guys know.

eveeill girlfriend ;)

my life would suck without you

2009-03-06T07:36:00.000-08:00

i know farah has to be photoshop-ed somewhere in this picture perfect moment

i didnt know Ryan had a lot of fans and receiving gifts are awesome. especially when Ryan is broke and kinda have no other option and visits every friend on the list. Ryan envies those fully furnished houses and those who win races and betting on the wrong people all the time. no wonder betting is forbidden.

guess what i'm talking about? FACEBOOK.

I should stop talking about it.

PLEASE shut me up.

so five minutes on nasyita: her boyfee just got a blackberry, the book she's reading on is erotic romance and she's getting disgusted by it, she turned on and off the com 3 times today, has been addicted to online shopping, has nothing better to do and watched HEART over and over again, became totally random towards boyfee and spending more time with Ryan rather than her boyfee.

now i miss 90210 and gossip girl.

please make my life interesting.

sleepover

2009-03-03T21:11:00.000-08:00

so yes our sleepover was a whole lot of slacking and crazy awesomeness but not everyone was there. farah had something to do so she didnt have the chance to go. overall, i managed to stay awake for like a long time since a long time too. HAHA.

but too bad, i was the one to hit lala land first. and waking up to delicious breakfast thanks to wawa's mother :D

and yes
i want more of these.

:D

facebook

2009-03-01T07:12:00.000-08:00

now i know why people are so crazy over facebook. now i'm addicted to it. i was suppose to upload this blog early in the morning and now its nearly 12 midnight. facebook, you're killing me.

so yes, now i'm sooo waiting for my paycheck and all the outings for the upcoming month. tmr's sleepover is gonna be super fun and ton-ing is a must i guess. popcorn and movies. OOOHHH.

so contact lenses or glasses?
hmmmm.

wait.
i think i havent add my boyfee on facebook.

SHIT.

i miss boyfee.

make it work.

2009-02-20T05:43:00.000-08:00

i pose with starbucks a lot more than i do with my boyfee, please pay me thank you. (HAHA!)

I had my longest bath yet, to calm the nerves and intensity on my shoulders, clean of the dead skin on my feet, pop my blackheads and whiteheads which hurts, conditioned my limp dry hair and spa-ed my face just cause i had the time to do it. now i know how it feels to work as a teacher. thank god its friday.

i have been substituting for 3 weeks now and i'm as weak as a marathon runner. chasing kids around, repeat my words to the monsterific ones, go through all that like a record breaker for 10 classes. sounds like hell to you yet? But i still love them. Like Raoni who is like a small version of chris brown ( REALLY. ), Harold who is so cute when he melatah, Ryan who walks like a duck with his blue eyes, shaun who doesnt let go of me when he hugs, maxwell who give me a cheeky smile when i smiled at him and Christopher who always sticks out his tongue at me and then smile.

i am so waiting for the cheque and all that. the sum its quite demanding its as if i havent done enough. now i look forward to weekends and i got another week to go. after that, sleepovers and outings will fill up my calender. Being busy filling up forms for the enrollment and get ready for school which it is already time! can't wait mannnn!

AND OH MY BIRTHDAY! :D
( i am so gonna have a hotter boyfee :D )

just some random excerpt form a long time fanfic.

Tash : charlie, i think we should have one of ours ourselves.
charlie : what are you talking hun?
tash : look at them! (pointing at tom and hannah, Kate's children, who were running around like crazy) arent they cute?
Charlie : aww tash. they are cute but can't you see them? they're like monsters! MONSTERS i tell you! (saw tom hitting hannah with his shoe )
Tom : (grinned at charlie with his teeth all covered in chocolate)
Charlie : MONSTER!

HAHAHAHAHA. ITS SO RANDOM REALLY!

V-day

2009-02-14T20:05:00.000-08:00

i didnt know valentines' makes you look like this.

i'm trying to upload the fish spa video, one that i went with wawa.
vimeo is being a bitch and youtube is so slow.

try this.
if it works, laugh your ass off alright?

with love, nas.

i miss my partner in crime

2009-02-13T04:01:00.000-08:00

i met fit after work. i dragged myself actually. i was darn tired cos i didnt had my vitamins this morning and having to drag mats and handling satanic children were quite a chore. now my eyes are droopy, waiting for it to hit the sack.

catching up with her was a random but great one. MI seems fun and crazy from what i heard. We had boyfriend talk and future talks, like we always do in class. i really miss how i see her everyday at school, bringing her loyal paperbag for breakfast and i always get excited for it :D.
she brought the best breakfast every single day.

4 years. i'm trying to find the cambodia pictures we took. it suddenly made me recall about the chaotic hotel stays and food craze. HAHA.

okay i miss secondary school.

17th months

2009-02-08T23:43:00.000-08:00

another month comes again
it was like the past was just yesterday
and i'm sure there'll be loads more to come

i know you can't get enough of me
even though i'm really really weird,
thank you for loving me just the way i am
how i love you is how you love me too
(:

p/s : at last ice cream with pancakes!

sick

2009-02-06T22:31:00.000-08:00

cny with dad's side, the day of the eclipse

i'm down with flu and god knows when i got my flu the other time it was a chore. ive been trying this new vitamin and i hope it helps. from what i'm suffering, its like the side effects. oh well, i hope it wont be for long! i have a (unplanned) date tommorrow!

gossip girl marathon yesterday was uber fun, oogling on ed westwick as usual but sadly my 2nd disc of gossip girl seem to be unreadable. so it kinda suck. have to wait for the whole season!

okay, im planning and i hope it goes well.

im freaking sick!
:(

squeeze me.

2009-02-03T19:47:00.000-08:00

i was the only one ready. HAHA

it was unexpected how the american school called me and asked to be a substitute for 2 days early in the morning. the night before i had plans with bfee to go for a getaway with his dvd player and my 90210/gossip girl season 2. i had to set aside those plans cos i cant be rejecting the american school for the 2nd time because of our plans again. so i went up in a daze, got ready in like 5 mins, and reached at the school at 750, just nice before the class starts.

my two days there was a blast and it really squeezed my energy out, whatmore a PE / motorskills / aerobics / gymnastics class. its been ages since i excercised but the first day went by faster than i thought and pleased the teacher. my second day too! there megan with pink cute gymnastics attire where i have to send her for after school, theres daniel who doesnt listen to me, theres lydia who gave me a small cutout heart and theres this girl who invented me a nickname, ' lets call her chihuahua! ' and the class went ' chihuahuaaaaaaa! hahaha' she couldnt stop kissing my arm and hugging me during her class. oh did i mention they are kindergarten children? oh my. i love kids!

and in just two days, i got hooked on their american slang. its addictive. imagine me going to the british school on something? hahahhahahah. hello lads!

oh oh the cafeteria with hot hot heat middle school kids who are younger than me, they look way older than their age. theres the adam brody, the chad micheal murrey, the blond ronald weasley, the hot nicole scherzinger, the bitchy lindsay lohan and even the hot clark kent lookalikes.

oh my, i cant wait for the next subbing!

:D

hooked

2009-01-29T04:22:00.000-08:00

so, now i've spent my days lazing on the couch with a great tv schedule everyday. from little nyonya to some free movies on mio tv, i'm loving it. especially when your parents bought you some awesome seasons to look and drool at.

especially when it involves awsomely hot guys and bitchy girls. and i hope you get what i am trying to say readers. gossip girl 2 is way better than gossip girl 1 and chuck and blair are like NJFASHDFJLH\LKFNDSKJVSMNJVSUIEAF. why can't they just be together?

the only person i can talk about gossip girl to is wajihah and we can spend hours talking about it and HAHA i'm waiting for season marathons!

okay, january's nearly over and its time where everybody's free in their lives.

and tmr's posting results, please let me thru'!

happy 17th birthday Hafiz

2009-01-27T07:25:00.000-08:00

i'm just out of words and i thank you profusely
making my life way more meaningful than what it really was
happy 17th birthday to you
it is/was an unforgettable birthday
and may your future be as bright as the stars

ily.

current craze

2009-01-22T23:26:00.000-08:00

okay. i'm so gonna save up for this, treat myself a starbucks hot venti vanilla latte, get my nails done, get my hair done and go shopping for upcoming new school or even lay down by the beach, googling to ed westwick on that.

OR

get my sony vaio / (hate to admit) an imac, hit starbucks with hot mocha latte, get nails and hair done, and get down on chace crawford at an airconditioned place, giggling to myself.

that would be delightful.

happy 17th bday farah

2009-01-21T07:23:00.000-08:00

4 years of great friendship
ups and downs we've went through
just made us way stronger
and i've seen your true colours to only find how similar we are
hence on this special 22nd january,
to my twinie, happy 17th bday!
we're getting old.
(or maybe just you, seven without the teen you bimbo!)

counting down the seconds

2009-01-11T06:33:00.000-08:00

my heart's pounding like there's no tommorow. i feel goosebumps seranading my entire body by the chilled breeze. the clouds curtained the dull grey midnight sky. the moon shined its array of weak light that i could barely see it through my translucent window. the moment is here. taking a deep breath of the mundane air, heaving out a heavy sigh. results are going to be released in 15 hours.

my hopes are as high as the sky and stars.
let's just see how it goes.

happy new year

2009-01-03T04:42:00.000-08:00

okay, a bit late but hey people out there! HAPPY NEW YEAR! 2009, may we be blessed with all the love and happiness in our lives.

picking up the courses handbook made my brain topsy turvy. i ahve made up my mind but theres seriously a lot of it to choose from. results is just a couple of weeks away. i'm sure i can make it.

countdown was uber fun and exciting with crazy spandex performers with chicken head and also fuzzy wuzzy here and there reapeating 'i wanna be with you but not now'. their songs were okay la but the fuzzy something band was entertaining. also a few games of tahiti to kill time. sorry if it didnt go as planned.

i'm officially the worst planner ever. until dee and rain came along who kinda saved the day.

HAHA.

5 years time

2008-12-28T22:50:00.000-08:00

i've been bloghopping around random blogs, reading on their little adventure to wherever their destinations were, it made me realise why the hell i'm stuck here doing nothing and basically count down the days till i get on with my life. perhaps reading their interesting sights and sounds perked me up and kinda got sparked on a crazy idea. well, let's see, a trip around the world before i get tied down, in 5 years time. right, sound a little teeny weeny bit crazy but hey, it's possible! come on people, laugh with me! haha.

watching sunset at the taj mahal like the one above, one of the few things i should do before i die. haha. and also going to other interesting and popular tourist attractions like the tower of pisa, venice before it extincts, eating gelato at a famous italian restaurant, going on long beach walks along bondi beach. haha, all these may seem a dream. but see me there when im 23-where im a little bit richer than 21!

okay, and oh hail the new year! new resolutions - a new and changed me.

now i miss the cooliest.
please be able to meet on the 31st!
i'm literally dying to meet you guys.

twilight

2008-12-26T00:41:00.001-08:00

okay im gonna go watch twilight!
and i changed my skin.
weehooo!

angus thongs and perfect snogging was uber funny.

:D

wedding

2008-12-23T03:26:00.000-08:00

so i've been busy for the past week cos i had my uncle's wedding which commenced at fort canning park with quite a grand affair. from friday night to saturday night. the entire event was sweet from the start to the finish.

me and iwan carrying the hantaran. i held a blonde barbie wraped with sweets. its really cute!

me and my bibik, the hottest family member i must say. i yearn to be like her, flying as a job. :D

the girls that i was stuck with. fooling and gossipping around.

the family plus the bride and groom during dinner.

and my favourite favourite adorable adorable flower boy!
Aqil. he's darn hyper i tell you. running around from one end to the other end shouting.
hahahaha.

so this is quite a short post.
till next time, 16 more days to my judgement day.
i want to get my brain cells working.
AHHHHHHH.

happy 15th babe :D

2008-12-08T15:48:00.000-08:00

it was surreal. the journey that we went through, being there for each other regardless of anything. the ups and downs of relationship it was all lessons that young love birds have to go through.

when i sat next to you, grabbed hold of your arm and your slightly huge palm, i could cry. tears clouded over my dark brown eyes. that blissful moment was magical. i have never felt that way before. i was showered with love and i felt bad for taking advantage of you.

when you whispered softly in my ears, 'do you want this to last?'
i grabbed your hand tightly, holding back my tears, devouring on that moment.

as i was frantically searching for thoughts in my head, i managed to stumble through my words, gulped and it came out.

'yeah.'

and the silence after that felt like an eternity.
i wanted that moment to last, forever.

happy 15th months hafiz :D
ily.

my thoughts you can't decode.

2008-11-27T02:04:00.001-08:00

so yes, i'm back and better (barely there) but physically i'm okay. less coughing here and there and regaining my voice back. i laughed at how i sounded a few days back. sang a whole lot of male songs to my family in the car (which made them pissed HAHA). but hey at least i was providing entertainment to myself. and yes, the holiday was just a short getaway, renew myself and get ready for what was about to happen in the near future.

jobless and proud of it. hahaha. okay, not quite but wth. at most im going for jc or MI since i wasted a lot of my brain cells during these holidays. HAHA. yes, i'm quite prepared but i feel that my brain isnt being put to use. and i feel useless. HAHA. okay. shut it.

everybody seems to be talking about how they change, how they cope with their change and how things in the past changes so fast and whether their prepared of the future, the real world. and after reading ika's blog, it sticks inside my mind a quote 'change is constant'. perhaps obama knew that earlier since it is his campaign. ahhaha, wait. sidetracked! okay.

yep, i believe change is constant. and in oreder to understand that change, you must be adaptable to it. for somebody who see changes that is constantly in her life, i believe i am adaptable. i'm somewhat there but have not developed it fully though. i still need the ones that has been there for years to make me go through life everyday cause they are the ones that has seen through me, for what i had been and for what i am. they are the ones that understand the changes i made during the past years of high school and they are the ones who could adapt to it. they are constantly there but as time pases, one by one, they start to fade away.

that's when you will start to learn how to let go. letting go is hard especially for all the ups and downs you've been through. fading away, one by one. in the end you'll be the only one left. gotten an extract form an indonesian writer. ( i'm loving indonesian books by the way :D )

"Ada kupu-kupu baru keluar dari kepompongnya. Pertama kali kulihat ketika tanpa sengaja aku berada di kebun belakang, menyapu tumpukan daun kering yang jatuh dari ranting pohon. Sayapnya masih basah dan dia tampak kesulitan mengeluarkan diri dari kepompong. Kepompong itu sudah kering, mengerut dan berwarna cokelat tanah.Kupu-kupu itu tidak akan muat lagi berada di dalam kepompongnya jika dia bertahan berada di sana. Dia perlu berkembang dan terbang. Kulihat dia mengeringkan sayapnya di bawah terang matahari lalu tiba-tiba melompat terbang. Lihat, dia terbang tinggi! Luar biasa, aku terpesona. Ah, aku ingin sekali menjadi kupu-kupu itu. Keluar dari kepompongku karena hati yang kumiliki semakin membesar. Kepompongku tidak akan muat menanggung perkembanganku. Aku ingin mencoba sayapku untuk terbang, dan kemudian menjelajahi aneka tanaman di bawah sinar matahari. Aku ingin mengunjungi, terbang bersamamu, menikmati madu manis bunga.
Aku ingin sekali sayang."
*adapted from the novel Gerhana Kembar by Clara Ng*

after reading that, perhaps i'm in that stage where the butterfly is trying to get out from its shell. and getting out from it, it seems hard. but sometimes, you have to. you have to get out from your shell, step out, find your new environment which will adapt to your changes. cause when everyone changes, nobody will want to go back to where they were. everybody will start to think differently, and even have a few differences, becoming mature thinking adults. that is when you will find a new set of friends that is gonna stick to your lives, understand your new changes and get adapted to it. and this will continue as you grow older and enter different phases of your lives.

and what is life without changes? it does take time to develop to become mature thinking adults. but let's put it to this, my dearly beloved friends, we are 16. we are still young. we shouldnt be thinking about all these. maybe a bit of it to ring a bell that you are getting old. still, take your time to get ready for a metamorphosis, we are still young and we do make mistakes. we learn from it and we will get there and be ready to fly. someday.

hafiz, shafika, wajihah, farah, nadiah, hareen i wanna thank you. for being there for me when i made my silly mistakes, adapted to my changes, understood me thoroughly, stood by me during the hardest point of my lives and gave a listening ear to me. i am grateful to have met you guys, and be part of my wonderful life. i hope what we have now won't fade away cause we cant go back to where we were but we could still relive those days now and forever.

ahhh, i feel like crying.
:(

so sick.

2008-11-26T02:06:00.001-08:00

nail polish craze

so there is a lot to update on, the good and the bad. prom, outings, red camp and job huntings. people burying the hatchet, shocking details and even jealousy. but hmph, set aside all those cos i wanna complain how sick i am today.

i woke up shivering at 3am in the morning, ate panadol and slept at the sofa. i was soaking wet ard 5 am when my mother woke me up. it was all too sick-ish for me. the influenza that is not ever gonna go, the mad coughing disease and even cold sweat here and there. i had to bail out on the outing that the rest had went on.

now my head is like being banged on the wall, hurting. beating like mad. i cant even move from place to place. my hearing is like one sided, i cannot hear the right, i can hear the left. what the hell is wrong with my body?

i dont know if i need a doctor (its important!). i have not eaten my breakfast, lunch or even dinner at this point of time. i'm weak. i wanna get pumped up by friday's ska fest! and the weekend holiday! please, i need all the medication that i can have.

pretty please?

.

2008-10-26T19:47:00.000-07:00

i need you near me now. i never knew just how.
you're a part of me and all i am. i've never been this scared,
never was so uncertain of what to do or speak.
i've never been so alone. i've never been without you, never had more than i could keep

and what i need now is, somone like you, can't believe i didnt look you up, even before i knew how you have waited for me, i know now.

now put my hand in yours, could you feel me now?
i know you'll always be there more than i could.

desperate i'm calling out your name
can you hear me
i'm falling i can't feel your flame
it's so cold and now
i wanna go home
wanna feel your arms around me
can you hear me
save me

a fairy tale

2008-10-26T18:43:00.000-07:00

since everyone's been writing stories, this is the right time for me to do too! nyeaha. i'm not good in writing fairy tales though. i had a deprived childhood.

__________________________________________________________________

tragic fairy tale.

In a fairy tale land, there lived a princess named hazel. Her eyes are as bright as the brightest star, her mind too was as intelligent as the intelligent wizard. She was born with a carefree life, nothing could interfere her innocence. she was nice to all the animals in the woods. they became her friends. she was being liked by her villagers. however, she have always felt something was amiss.

As Princess Hazel grew older, she became vulnerable to insecurities that could harm her inside out. however, she dared to take risks. so she decided to take on the world, secretly. furthurmore, it was the best time as her parents were fighting over the smallest stuff. Princess Hazel travelled with her beloved white horse, she came as far as the tall mountains and the longest rivers to search what she was missing. she stumbled upon small villages and the most caring people ever.

Meanwhile back at her kingdom, the villagers were looking everywhere for her. it caused panicked to the whole kingdom. soldiers were deployed to search for her everywhere. the king and queen had their plan corrupted. they wanted Princess Hazel to marry to Prince Russel. both parties had made an agreement to marry them off.

It was until she reached the other kingdom, she was hooked on the picturesque views of the sunsets, sunrise, oceans and waves. she fell in love with the people she was with who gave the best hospitality throughout her stay. one day, she was having a long walk and was thinking to herself, whether she should just go back home and settle down. she thought she had tried enough searching for that something missing. she didnt even knew what she was looking for. she thought it was a fruitless search after all.

While Princess Hazel was sitting on the rocks, with her luscious black hair being pushed and pulled back by the breeze, she was approached by a young gentleman. he was tall dark and handsome, (like the way fairytales are) named Charles. the moment she looked into his eyes, she fell for him. suddenly, all fell into place, she knew what she was searching for. her life partner. Sadly, Princess Hazel doesnt know that Charles was sent by her parents to search for her. Charles consoled Princess Hazel to go back to his kingdom and get married.

She had to say goodbye to the place and merrily, Charles and Princess Hazel started on a journey. They were madly in love however, Princess Hazel had sudden fear. She feared of being loved as it was the one magical feeling that she had not felt before. So she had to hold back her feelings. She feared. She didnt want to get hurt.

to be continued.

excruciating

2008-09-09T23:45:00.000-07:00

i dont know what i'm going through right now. i feel too guilty for words. i'm sorry for being like this. i don't know how i'm gonna get my way back to you. hopeless illusions are just too demoralising to think of. i'm sorry if i'm expecting too much. i know i've heard you said i have the right but oh well, i set the bar to high i guess. it's like i know what i exactly want of you, i tried. expectations are like hanging in the air, and time is running out. this is the most crucial time of the year, i really need to spend time with myself and contemplate my thoughts, and let the days get by without having to think of this.

i'm sorry.

as this stress escalates.

2008-08-21T22:41:00.000-07:00

prelims are in just in a matter of days. i don't know why i'm online right now. perhaps to chill and rest for a moment. everybody needs a break. i just don't want to be too relaxed that i'll be panicking doing the prelims. its tough to go back home and do all that you are suppose to do as a student, but i'm enjoying it actually. i found out that after studying, i feel a huge sense of satisfaction and i can't even be able to sleep. and the stress can be seen on my face -a lot of pimples, theres this hideous and humungus one under my nose, i hate that- and i've been cranky all the time, for a lot of times. maybe i'm tired. i'm trying my best to sleep and miraculously, my biology textbook makes me sleepy. yeah, i should do that later.

have i told you that i love fridays? theres PE and 3 other of my favourite subjects. Sadly today's PE was the last one that we were going to have. I must say today's PE was one of the most fun-nest ever. guys suck at netball! hahahahah. but it was funny. XL trying to scare me when i have the ball, which made me screamed, Daniel clapping in my face, tricking me that was in his team, Leon guarding the pole, shaking it so that our opponent wont be able to shoot, melvin being blur, passing the ball not to me but to the opponent, and the tiresome jumps that i had to make as the guys were enormously, hovering the skies, unabling me-usually one of the tallest in netball- to try and catch the freaking ball. the court was wet and our shoes stenched like hell. but the time spent was worth it.

rentak singapura was fun! my part time break for a while. the show was amazing. revalina's new member is cute la. hahahhaa. okay im crappy. but the whole trip and concert was entertaining and got me screaming for stupid rock songs performed by twitching bass player due to his freaking long hair. it was at the strings of the bass la! maybe even longer! didi's performance was the best actually, so full of emotion and capture's the audience well.

so now let me feast your eyes on the pictures and adios amigos!

Oral

2008-08-19T03:18:00.000-07:00

lets face it, my life is nearly over.

NDP

2008-08-11T03:54:00.001-07:00

yep, there i was at the back of the merlion. national day was a fun trip with my family - not all of them. the fun part wasn't the fireworks-it was actually no fun at all, its the same every year- it was the getting wet part by the merlion. due to the temperemental winds, the merlion spat on a lot of us, making us drenched wet. although my aunt, mum and sister took cover, me asyraf and elyana went to the front near the steps towards the lake and in front of the merlion and feast our eyes on the F1 boats and big huge boats with kites. the fun part also was the part where we three sang along and me being the oldest, couldnt care less what other people taught of me. HAHA.

and while waiting for the fireworks-which should've been given a miss- i had to entertain the kids. we played poppeye, sang songs and dance to no music! hahaha. i did not know what got over me but overall i enjoyed this lovely trip with the family after being apart from them for quite some time. it was better than expected. and getting food after that was a chore. especially when we decided to get to bukit timah's al azhar after being rejected by restaurants which appears to be closed.

that was actually to be missed ndp parade.

and days after that was no better - until yesterday 10-4am in the morning.

he knows who he is.

:DDD

i don't know what you do but i love that thing you do.

hahahah.

seoul garden pics

2008-08-02T20:31:00.000-07:00

no wonder.

2008-07-25T07:47:00.000-07:00

My horoscope for today.

Pieces
Your creativity is strong now, and it's helping you see beauty everywhere you look.
Your creative juices are flowing fast and furious today, and they will help you see beauty nearly everywhere you look. The symmetry of an office cubicle suddenly strikes you as poetic, the glare of traffic headlights seem to twinkle in time with the music on your radio. What you saw as visual noise now becomes a beautiful symphony. Don't take this special kind of insight for granted. Tune into it, because it will lead you to a wonderful and exciting new idea.

its all in the stars baby. all in the stars.
HAHHA.

Friday madness.

2008-07-25T07:04:00.000-07:00

" Hi. i'm nasyita and i'm from neptune. i speak an utterly wierd but new language that i can't even re-enact what i made up. and guess what? neptune is preeeetty. it blue and hush hush, i'm a disguised alien. shhhh! "

i do not know what has happened to me today. perhaps its the caffiene addiction that i had yesterday night-an overdose of it! i'm practically bored and cannot find anything else to do. whoa i sound so free. cmon, making up a new language, did lame ol' tricks like snfajyhgfweh to the people around me, shouted at myself without any complete reason and acting like a hooligan around my peeps. rooster run ehhh? haha.

seriously, there's something wierd. i think there's something wrong with me.

serious.

(see how many serious i typed? LA DUH i'm serious. seriousness = 5 times.)

i think no amount of medication can be my remedy for this wierdness that i have today. today made me laugh until perhaps 8 pacs started to form on my stomach. today was the day where somehow, all my stress just vanished to thin air. (but i'm sure it's gna come back sooner or later, stress, please come back to me) practically, i made a lot of people laugh with the stupidness i have.

ok this blog entry is just wierd.

the wierdness continues...

non-ambulant

2008-07-17T04:36:00.000-07:00

sigh.

i'm gonna miss 2 days of lessons at school. and that is a lot of time wasted. school is just somewhere i actually have fun. okay, you might think that i'm crazy. guess what. here's another shocker, i love to learn! haha. ok. WEML! <>

as you can see form the title of the post, yep. i 'm not mobile. my feet hurts like a gazzilion times due to an internal injury in my foot. idk why but i think its gna take a long time to heal. i don't even know whats the cause of it. maybe i like using my feet, putting it perpendicularly to the ground and use it to support my left feet. hahahah. that is so mathematically proven.

now it takes me 5 minutues to reach the door. a whole 15 mins to reach plaza from my school and a whole lot more to climb up 6 floors to my classroom. can i have a lift pass please? hahahh.

staying at home ain't fun at all. let's see what i did today. woke up at 9am, read the news till 10, wash up, had breakfast, started poa hw at 12, did maths at 1, and till now, i've been moving from one place to another-OUT OF BOREDOM.

the tv sucks as usual and i cant bring myself up to finish my to do list today. AAAHHHHHHH.

CANT WAIT FOR SEOUL GARDEN TMR!

say BEN-day!

2008-07-09T03:04:00.000-07:00

youth day - holiday - BEN DAY!

it was all planned to have an outing with our used-to-be-singaporean-now-new-zealander mate, ben suarez! people were a bit agitated and frustrated on the decision whether to go or not but it was not a whole gang like the other time. it was just a small group of us, with one thing in mind - we had not planned the trip well enough. all of a sudden we were stuck in paragon while it was raining cats and dogs. then the adventure started. going through rain and passing over fountains - what a way to entertain ourselves. we finally settled in esplanade rooftop, which was filled with different kinds of fumes, and just let the time pass by. camwhoring with ben and the girls, memories made. the trip ride home was the part that was worthwhile and sort of summed up the whole trip. ben shared his life over in the new country and he kept talking about his car and his license-which we arent acclaimed of yet. boo hoo. but that was the quality time that i treasured dearly.

the peeps

a nicer version :DD

and me eaten by ben's bushy hair

oh how i wish i could just get out of singapore and live a place far far far away from here? before that, i would need to travel on my own get a decent place to stay, earn a lot of money and settle down after i'm satisfied with my life. hahaha.

DPA just started. i thought of applying for diploma in international business, but i dont have the right recommendations and participations. ahhhhhhh. i so wanna go into that course. perhaps i should meet rufi first and ask about the poly thingy and how to cope with it. i still remember i need to get amaths notes from rufi! ahha.

picture after picture, i've been wanting to find new styles for myself and start to look prepared for the future. i envy how people dress to kill and those who actually dress to look mature. just like fifi and hudz! ahhhhh.

btw, me with straight hair - NO NO.

and ending this with an all-time favourite.

new, mature and retarded robots with new member!

cheers for the photos!

wednesday

2008-07-02T05:58:00.000-07:00

time flies and its been half of the week gone. i still couldnt get the gear running and say that 'NAS, O LEVELS ARE IN LIKE 15 WEEKS!' oh well, i'm nearing to completion of notes so im taking my time to rest and study at the same time - wow that's not me. HAHA.

school has been quite predictable and the same clique and homework routine over and over. i told fit that we will get bored of this. oh well, we do anyways. haha. at least i have someone to entertain me in class now - daniel! weeee. and talking a whole lot of POA-ing with fit's life with xl was very very very funny. hahaha. dont worry xl, invest more you'll gain profit at the end of day! try harder! hahah. you know i know they dont know la eh :D

ben was at our school just now. can i say his hormones are ranging and getting hotter by the year. i was thinking to myself if i was gone for the year - nobody knows when i'm gone, just disappear for a moment, it'd be cool to come back with a whole new feel about yourself. but the odds are that they're gonna ask why and how you ran, no contact and all that shit - overall, a hypocrite? hahah. i've been called a lot of bad names anyway. why not add another one? no one would care.

can i name myself a very very very eeeevil person. its like i'm affecting people without me knowing and fit and me just had a very very very wierd convo which makes people's eyes bulge and cringe. oh well, its a better way of studying things ain't it?

i just miss talking to people who i've been missing a lot like the peeps in 1A, 2A and the whole malay clique just hanging out together. sorry if i was not in a major part of your life but give me a chance yeah? i'm even getting more bored with playing hide and run games that made me conclude, i made the quite an awful decision of letting go but heck, i miss that particular fun that really made me ecstatic these past years. i know things change here and there and yeah, change is constant, you just have to adapt to it (note to self : THAT MEANS YOU ASSHOLE.)

and yeah, random blog posts seem to overwhelm myself and getting to know people's lives that might shock you even more. why do they always get what they want? people are never satisfied with what they have.

let just disappear and never get back shall we?

(note to self again : MATHS HOMEWORK PILING OIEE! )

okbye.

starbucks trip

2008-06-09T04:52:00.000-07:00

i know, i know. shhhhhhhhhh.

starbucks hunting was funnier than expected. or maybe the flight to holland was a rollercoaster ride. i found out that that place brings you back to the old days, relaxing your mind and just watching time flies with interesting tourists and superstars walking around.

the fact that a lot of well known shops are there was quite suprising. ice cream shops like swensens and häagen dazs also starbucks and coffee bean around, its a nice place to chill and relax. let your surroundings take you on a trip of relaxation.

oh well for me, its just for a time off. heeeeee.

feast your eyes on the pics!

.

2008-02-16T20:35:00.000-08:00

i miss him.

laptops

2008-02-04T00:19:00.000-08:00

i'm at ika's and im using her laptop for the first time. it hung out on me when i whined that its fcuking slow. haha. i guess laptops do have feelings. ika just "chased" her dad out cos she wanted to watch bratz. ok so now im watching it with her. hahahaha.

anyways, sorry for the lack of updates, been busy with life. hahaha typical answer. nahh just been busy with school which suck big time and homeworks pile everytime. every period seems like i wanna end it badly. i have not create a timetable for my revision. ahhhhhhhhhhh.

and friends are being typical. enough said.
i need joy i need laughter. i need nd.

:D

2007-12-22T21:52:00.000-08:00

When will i see your face again - Jamie Scott Feat The Town

Here I Am, Everyday,
Since You Said, You'd Come Again,
But It's Not Fair, Cos You're Not Here,
I Wait In Vain, But Nothing Has Changed,

I'm A Flower, Soaking In The Rain,
If I Could Wish One Thing, I'd Hear You Call My Name,

So When Will I See Your Face Again,
When Will You Touch My Life Again (ohh yeah),
When Will I Breathe You In Again (ha),
I Think I Love You, Will I See Your Face Again,

Little Thing, Like The Rain Coming,
She Looked At Me A Certain Kind Of Way,
Tell Me Girl, Where Are You Now,
'Cos I Don't Know How Much Longer I can Wait,

I'm A Dreamer, Waiting For The Sun,
When You're Coming In, I know My Life's Begun,
Tell Me Girl...

When Will I See Your Face Again (ohh yeaaah),
When Will You Touch My Life Again (ummm um),
When Will I Breathe You In Again,
I Think I Love Youuu, Will I See Your Face Again,

You Know That All My Life I've Been Waaaiting,
Waiting For Some, Someone Like You To Love Me,
You Can't Come By Like An Angel, Into My Life,
And then Fly Away, Fly Away,

Oh Honey, Cos I, Uh Baby, Ba Ba Doo Yeah, Ohh ohhhh,
Sing, I've Only Seen Youuu, Oh, I Said, Uh huh, I Said I Said, Yeah (woo)

When Will I See Your Face Again (I Wanna See You Once In My Life),
When Will You Touch My Life Again, (Wanna See You Twice In My Life),
When Will I Breathe You In Again (ohhh),
I Think I Love Youuu, Will I See Your Face Again,

I said, see Bap pa da doo ba ba (ohhh),
Bap Ba Doo Yeah, That's What We Do Yeaahhh (ohh),
When Will i See Your Face Again My Friend,
Oh Yeah, I Think You Gotta Let Me Know Yeah,
Ohh Yeahhh...

Click.

2007-12-16T03:46:00.000-08:00

i'm halfway through my novel, jodi picoult's perfect match. i really cant wait who is the culprit. Nina's in jail and hopefully Nathaniel would be alright without his mum around.

click. rewind. if that is possible in life, i certainly would have.

sadly, i've been trying to be my best and trying to get into my head that i'm all alone, not attached. people say i'm heartless. yes i am. i keep every feeling to myself that i don't know what/how to feel anymore. History made me become heartless and i can't blame anyone about that except myself.

okay i'm here not to be emo or anything. haha.

anyways, blog skin changed :D life's been sucky and i'm really really in love with Dougie Poynter. ahhhh somebody shoot me.

oh yeah, i've got plans to go california on my own, so i'm finding somebody to host me. geeeee. london's calling tapi tknak pergi. cali jugak yg nak gi. aperdahh.

till then, i better finish up reading my novel and get my book review done. sheesh. O's coming. aaaaaaaahhhhhh !

useless

2007-12-06T04:12:00.000-08:00

' try to find some alone time with an engrossing novel that can take you far, far away from your current reality. ' - that's what my horoscope says.

all i can say is, let karma take place on my life.
it was such a pleasure knowing such a pleasant sweet guy and i think you deserve better.
thanks for everything.

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