5 years time

i've been bloghopping around random blogs, reading on their little adventure to wherever their destinations were, it made me realise why the hell i'm stuck here doing nothing and basically count down the days till i get on with my life. perhaps reading their interesting sights and sounds perked me up and kinda got sparked on a crazy idea. well, let's see, a trip around the world before i get tied down, in 5 years time. right, sound a little teeny weeny bit crazy but hey, it's possible! come on people, laugh with me! haha.

watching sunset at the taj mahal like the one above, one of the few things i should do before i die. haha. and also going to other interesting and popular tourist attractions like the tower of pisa, venice before it extincts, eating gelato at a famous italian restaurant, going on long beach walks along bondi beach. haha, all these may seem a dream. but see me there when im 23-where im a little bit richer than 21!

okay, and oh hail the new year! new resolutions - a new and changed me.

now i miss the cooliest.
please be able to meet on the 31st!
i'm literally dying to meet you guys.

twilight

okay im gonna go watch twilight!
and i changed my skin.
weehooo!

angus thongs and perfect snogging was uber funny.

:D

wedding

so i've been busy for the past week cos i had my uncle's wedding which commenced at fort canning park with quite a grand affair. from friday night to saturday night. the entire event was sweet from the start to the finish.


me and iwan carrying the hantaran. i held a blonde barbie wraped with sweets. its really cute!


me and my bibik, the hottest family member i must say. i yearn to be like her, flying as a job. :D


the girls that i was stuck with. fooling and gossipping around.


the family plus the bride and groom during dinner.


and my favourite favourite adorable adorable flower boy!
Aqil. he's darn hyper i tell you. running around from one end to the other end shouting.
hahahaha.

so this is quite a short post.
till next time, 16 more days to my judgement day.
i want to get my brain cells working.
AHHHHHHH.

happy 15th babe :D

it was surreal. the journey that we went through, being there for each other regardless of anything. the ups and downs of relationship it was all lessons that young love birds have to go through.

when i sat next to you, grabbed hold of your arm and your slightly huge palm, i could cry. tears clouded over my dark brown eyes. that blissful moment was magical. i have never felt that way before. i was showered with love and i felt bad for taking advantage of you.

when you whispered softly in my ears, 'do you want this to last?'
i grabbed your hand tightly, holding back my tears, devouring on that moment.

as i was frantically searching for thoughts in my head, i managed to stumble through my words, gulped and it came out.

'yeah.'

and the silence after that felt like an eternity.
i wanted that moment to last, forever.

happy 15th months hafiz :D
ily.

my thoughts you can't decode.

so yes, i'm back and better (barely there) but physically i'm okay. less coughing here and there and regaining my voice back. i laughed at how i sounded a few days back. sang a whole lot of male songs to my family in the car (which made them pissed HAHA). but hey at least i was providing entertainment to myself. and yes, the holiday was just a short getaway, renew myself and get ready for what was about to happen in the near future.

jobless and proud of it. hahaha. okay, not quite but wth. at most im going for jc or MI since i wasted a lot of my brain cells during these holidays. HAHA. yes, i'm quite prepared but i feel that my brain isnt being put to use. and i feel useless. HAHA. okay. shut it.

everybody seems to be talking about how they change, how they cope with their change and how things in the past changes so fast and whether their prepared of the future, the real world. and after reading ika's blog, it sticks inside my mind a quote 'change is constant'. perhaps obama knew that earlier since it is his campaign. ahhaha, wait. sidetracked! okay.

yep, i believe change is constant. and in oreder to understand that change, you must be adaptable to it. for somebody who see changes that is constantly in her life, i believe i am adaptable. i'm somewhat there but have not developed it fully though. i still need the ones that has been there for years to make me go through life everyday cause they are the ones that has seen through me, for what i had been and for what i am. they are the ones that understand the changes i made during the past years of high school and they are the ones who could adapt to it. they are constantly there but as time pases, one by one, they start to fade away.

that's when you will start to learn how to let go. letting go is hard especially for all the ups and downs you've been through. fading away, one by one. in the end you'll be the only one left. gotten an extract form an indonesian writer. ( i'm loving indonesian books by the way :D )

"Ada kupu-kupu baru keluar dari kepompongnya. Pertama kali kulihat ketika tanpa sengaja aku berada di kebun belakang, menyapu tumpukan daun kering yang jatuh dari ranting pohon. Sayapnya masih basah dan dia tampak kesulitan mengeluarkan diri dari kepompong. Kepompong itu sudah kering, mengerut dan berwarna cokelat tanah.Kupu-kupu itu tidak akan muat lagi berada di dalam kepompongnya jika dia bertahan berada di sana. Dia perlu berkembang dan terbang. Kulihat dia mengeringkan sayapnya di bawah terang matahari lalu tiba-tiba melompat terbang. Lihat, dia terbang tinggi! Luar biasa, aku terpesona. Ah, aku ingin sekali menjadi kupu-kupu itu. Keluar dari kepompongku karena hati yang kumiliki semakin membesar. Kepompongku tidak akan muat menanggung perkembanganku. Aku ingin mencoba sayapku untuk terbang, dan kemudian menjelajahi aneka tanaman di bawah sinar matahari. Aku ingin mengunjungi, terbang bersamamu, menikmati madu manis bunga.
Aku ingin sekali sayang."
*adapted from the novel Gerhana Kembar by Clara Ng*

after reading that, perhaps i'm in that stage where the butterfly is trying to get out from its shell. and getting out from it, it seems hard. but sometimes, you have to. you have to get out from your shell, step out, find your new environment which will adapt to your changes. cause when everyone changes, nobody will want to go back to where they were. everybody will start to think differently, and even have a few differences, becoming mature thinking adults. that is when you will find a new set of friends that is gonna stick to your lives, understand your new changes and get adapted to it. and this will continue as you grow older and enter different phases of your lives.

and what is life without changes? it does take time to develop to become mature thinking adults. but let's put it to this, my dearly beloved friends, we are 16. we are still young. we shouldnt be thinking about all these. maybe a bit of it to ring a bell that you are getting old. still, take your time to get ready for a metamorphosis, we are still young and we do make mistakes. we learn from it and we will get there and be ready to fly. someday.

hafiz, shafika, wajihah, farah, nadiah, hareen i wanna thank you. for being there for me when i made my silly mistakes, adapted to my changes, understood me thoroughly, stood by me during the hardest point of my lives and gave a listening ear to me. i am grateful to have met you guys, and be part of my wonderful life. i hope what we have now won't fade away cause we cant go back to where we were but we could still relive those days now and forever.

ahhh, i feel like crying.
:(

so sick.

nail polish craze

so there is a lot to update on, the good and the bad. prom, outings, red camp and job huntings. people burying the hatchet, shocking details and even jealousy. but hmph, set aside all those cos i wanna complain how sick i am today.

i woke up shivering at 3am in the morning, ate panadol and slept at the sofa. i was soaking wet ard 5 am when my mother woke me up. it was all too sick-ish for me. the influenza that is not ever gonna go, the mad coughing disease and even cold sweat here and there. i had to bail out on the outing that the rest had went on.

now my head is like being banged on the wall, hurting. beating like mad. i cant even move from place to place. my hearing is like one sided, i cannot hear the right, i can hear the left. what the hell is wrong with my body?

i dont know if i need a doctor (its important!). i have not eaten my breakfast, lunch or even dinner at this point of time. i'm weak. i wanna get pumped up by friday's ska fest! and the weekend holiday! please, i need all the medication that i can have.

pretty please?

.

i need you near me now. i never knew just how.
you're a part of me and all i am. i've never been this scared,
never was so uncertain of what to do or speak.
i've never been so alone. i've never been without you, never had more than i could keep

and what i need now is, somone like you, can't believe i didnt look you up, even before i knew how you have waited for me, i know now.

now put my hand in yours, could you feel me now?
i know you'll always be there more than i could.

desperate i'm calling out your name
can you hear me
i'm falling i can't feel your flame
it's so cold and now
i wanna go home
wanna feel your arms around me
can you hear me
save me

a fairy tale

since everyone's been writing stories, this is the right time for me to do too! nyeaha. i'm not good in writing fairy tales though. i had a deprived childhood.

__________________________________________________________________

tragic fairy tale.

In a fairy tale land, there lived a princess named hazel. Her eyes are as bright as the brightest star, her mind too was as intelligent as the intelligent wizard. She was born with a carefree life, nothing could interfere her innocence. she was nice to all the animals in the woods. they became her friends. she was being liked by her villagers. however, she have always felt something was amiss.

As Princess Hazel grew older, she became vulnerable to insecurities that could harm her inside out. however, she dared to take risks. so she decided to take on the world, secretly. furthurmore, it was the best time as her parents were fighting over the smallest stuff. Princess Hazel travelled with her beloved white horse, she came as far as the tall mountains and the longest rivers to search what she was missing. she stumbled upon small villages and the most caring people ever.

Meanwhile back at her kingdom, the villagers were looking everywhere for her. it caused panicked to the whole kingdom. soldiers were deployed to search for her everywhere. the king and queen had their plan corrupted. they wanted Princess Hazel to marry to Prince Russel. both parties had made an agreement to marry them off.

It was until she reached the other kingdom, she was hooked on the picturesque views of the sunsets, sunrise, oceans and waves. she fell in love with the people she was with who gave the best hospitality throughout her stay. one day, she was having a long walk and was thinking to herself, whether she should just go back home and settle down. she thought she had tried enough searching for that something missing. she didnt even knew what she was looking for. she thought it was a fruitless search after all.

While Princess Hazel was sitting on the rocks, with her luscious black hair being pushed and pulled back by the breeze, she was approached by a young gentleman. he was tall dark and handsome, (like the way fairytales are) named Charles. the moment she looked into his eyes, she fell for him. suddenly, all fell into place, she knew what she was searching for. her life partner. Sadly, Princess Hazel doesnt know that Charles was sent by her parents to search for her. Charles consoled Princess Hazel to go back to his kingdom and get married.

She had to say goodbye to the place and merrily, Charles and Princess Hazel started on a journey. They were madly in love however, Princess Hazel had sudden fear. She feared of being loved as it was the one magical feeling that she had not felt before. So she had to hold back her feelings. She feared. She didnt want to get hurt.

to be continued.

excruciating

i dont know what i'm going through right now. i feel too guilty for words. i'm sorry for being like this. i don't know how i'm gonna get my way back to you. hopeless illusions are just too demoralising to think of. i'm sorry if i'm expecting too much. i know i've heard you said i have the right but oh well, i set the bar to high i guess. it's like i know what i exactly want of you, i tried. expectations are like hanging in the air, and time is running out. this is the most crucial time of the year, i really need to spend time with myself and contemplate my thoughts, and let the days get by without having to think of this.

i'm sorry.

as this stress escalates.

prelims are in just in a matter of days. i don't know why i'm online right now. perhaps to chill and rest for a moment. everybody needs a break. i just don't want to be too relaxed that i'll be panicking doing the prelims. its tough to go back home and do all that you are suppose to do as a student, but i'm enjoying it actually. i found out that after studying, i feel a huge sense of satisfaction and i can't even be able to sleep. and the stress can be seen on my face -a lot of pimples, theres this hideous and humungus one under my nose, i hate that- and i've been cranky all the time, for a lot of times. maybe i'm tired. i'm trying my best to sleep and miraculously, my biology textbook makes me sleepy. yeah, i should do that later.




have i told you that i love fridays? theres PE and 3 other of my favourite subjects. Sadly today's PE was the last one that we were going to have. I must say today's PE was one of the most fun-nest ever. guys suck at netball! hahahahah. but it was funny. XL trying to scare me when i have the ball, which made me screamed, Daniel clapping in my face, tricking me that was in his team, Leon guarding the pole, shaking it so that our opponent wont be able to shoot, melvin being blur, passing the ball not to me but to the opponent, and the tiresome jumps that i had to make as the guys were enormously, hovering the skies, unabling me-usually one of the tallest in netball- to try and catch the freaking ball. the court was wet and our shoes stenched like hell. but the time spent was worth it.




rentak singapura was fun! my part time break for a while. the show was amazing. revalina's new member is cute la. hahahhaa. okay im crappy. but the whole trip and concert was entertaining and got me screaming for stupid rock songs performed by twitching bass player due to his freaking long hair. it was at the strings of the bass la! maybe even longer! didi's performance was the best actually, so full of emotion and capture's the audience well.




so now let me feast your eyes on the pictures and adios amigos!

Oral

lets face it, my life is nearly over.

NDP

yep, there i was at the back of the merlion. national day was a fun trip with my family - not all of them. the fun part wasn't the fireworks-it was actually no fun at all, its the same every year- it was the getting wet part by the merlion. due to the temperemental winds, the merlion spat on a lot of us, making us drenched wet. although my aunt, mum and sister took cover, me asyraf and elyana went to the front near the steps towards the lake and in front of the merlion and feast our eyes on the F1 boats and big huge boats with kites. the fun part also was the part where we three sang along and me being the oldest, couldnt care less what other people taught of me. HAHA.

and while waiting for the fireworks-which should've been given a miss- i had to entertain the kids. we played poppeye, sang songs and dance to no music! hahaha. i did not know what got over me but overall i enjoyed this lovely trip with the family after being apart from them for quite some time. it was better than expected. and getting food after that was a chore. especially when we decided to get to bukit timah's al azhar after being rejected by restaurants which appears to be closed.

that was actually to be missed ndp parade.

and days after that was no better - until yesterday 10-4am in the morning.

he knows who he is.

:DDD

i don't know what you do but i love that thing you do.

hahahah.

seoul garden pics

no wonder.

My horoscope for today.

Pieces
Your creativity is strong now, and it's helping you see beauty everywhere you look.
Your creative juices are flowing fast and furious today, and they will help you see beauty nearly everywhere you look. The symmetry of an office cubicle suddenly strikes you as poetic, the glare of traffic headlights seem to twinkle in time with the music on your radio. What you saw as visual noise now becomes a beautiful symphony. Don't take this special kind of insight for granted. Tune into it, because it will lead you to a wonderful and exciting new idea.

its all in the stars baby. all in the stars.
HAHHA.

Friday madness.

" Hi. i'm nasyita and i'm from neptune. i speak an utterly wierd but new language that i can't even re-enact what i made up. and guess what? neptune is preeeetty. it blue and hush hush, i'm a disguised alien. shhhh! "

i do not know what has happened to me today. perhaps its the caffiene addiction that i had yesterday night-an overdose of it! i'm practically bored and cannot find anything else to do. whoa i sound so free. cmon, making up a new language, did lame ol' tricks like snfajyhgfweh to the people around me, shouted at myself without any complete reason and acting like a hooligan around my peeps. rooster run ehhh? haha.

seriously, there's something wierd. i think there's something wrong with me.

serious.

(see how many serious i typed? LA DUH i'm serious. seriousness = 5 times.)

i think no amount of medication can be my remedy for this wierdness that i have today. today made me laugh until perhaps 8 pacs started to form on my stomach. today was the day where somehow, all my stress just vanished to thin air. (but i'm sure it's gna come back sooner or later, stress, please come back to me) practically, i made a lot of people laugh with the stupidness i have.

ok this blog entry is just wierd.

the wierdness continues...

non-ambulant

sigh.

i'm gonna miss 2 days of lessons at school. and that is a lot of time wasted. school is just somewhere i actually have fun. okay, you might think that i'm crazy. guess what. here's another shocker, i love to learn! haha. ok. WEML! <>

as you can see form the title of the post, yep. i 'm not mobile. my feet hurts like a gazzilion times due to an internal injury in my foot. idk why but i think its gna take a long time to heal. i don't even know whats the cause of it. maybe i like using my feet, putting it perpendicularly to the ground and use it to support my left feet. hahahah. that is so mathematically proven.

now it takes me 5 minutues to reach the door. a whole 15 mins to reach plaza from my school and a whole lot more to climb up 6 floors to my classroom. can i have a lift pass please? hahahh.

staying at home ain't fun at all. let's see what i did today. woke up at 9am, read the news till 10, wash up, had breakfast, started poa hw at 12, did maths at 1, and till now, i've been moving from one place to another-OUT OF BOREDOM.

the tv sucks as usual and i cant bring myself up to finish my to do list today. AAAHHHHHHH.

CANT WAIT FOR SEOUL GARDEN TMR!

say BEN-day!

youth day - holiday - BEN DAY!

it was all planned to have an outing with our used-to-be-singaporean-now-new-zealander mate, ben suarez! people were a bit agitated and frustrated on the decision whether to go or not but it was not a whole gang like the other time. it was just a small group of us, with one thing in mind - we had not planned the trip well enough. all of a sudden we were stuck in paragon while it was raining cats and dogs. then the adventure started. going through rain and passing over fountains - what a way to entertain ourselves. we finally settled in esplanade rooftop, which was filled with different kinds of fumes, and just let the time pass by. camwhoring with ben and the girls, memories made. the trip ride home was the part that was worthwhile and sort of summed up the whole trip. ben shared his life over in the new country and he kept talking about his car and his license-which we arent acclaimed of yet. boo hoo. but that was the quality time that i treasured dearly.

the peeps

a nicer version :DD

and me eaten by ben's bushy hair

oh how i wish i could just get out of singapore and live a place far far far away from here? before that, i would need to travel on my own get a decent place to stay, earn a lot of money and settle down after i'm satisfied with my life. hahaha.

DPA just started. i thought of applying for diploma in international business, but i dont have the right recommendations and participations. ahhhhhhh. i so wanna go into that course. perhaps i should meet rufi first and ask about the poly thingy and how to cope with it. i still remember i need to get amaths notes from rufi! ahha.

picture after picture, i've been wanting to find new styles for myself and start to look prepared for the future. i envy how people dress to kill and those who actually dress to look mature. just like fifi and hudz! ahhhhh.

btw, me with straight hair - NO NO.

and ending this with an all-time favourite.

new, mature and retarded robots with new member!

cheers for the photos!

wednesday

time flies and its been half of the week gone. i still couldnt get the gear running and say that 'NAS, O LEVELS ARE IN LIKE 15 WEEKS!' oh well, i'm nearing to completion of notes so im taking my time to rest and study at the same time - wow that's not me. HAHA.

school has been quite predictable and the same clique and homework routine over and over. i told fit that we will get bored of this. oh well, we do anyways. haha. at least i have someone to entertain me in class now - daniel! weeee. and talking a whole lot of POA-ing with fit's life with xl was very very very funny. hahaha. dont worry xl, invest more you'll gain profit at the end of day! try harder! hahah. you know i know they dont know la eh :D

ben was at our school just now. can i say his hormones are ranging and getting hotter by the year. i was thinking to myself if i was gone for the year - nobody knows when i'm gone, just disappear for a moment, it'd be cool to come back with a whole new feel about yourself. but the odds are that they're gonna ask why and how you ran, no contact and all that shit - overall, a hypocrite? hahah. i've been called a lot of bad names anyway. why not add another one? no one would care.

can i name myself a very very very eeeevil person. its like i'm affecting people without me knowing and fit and me just had a very very very wierd convo which makes people's eyes bulge and cringe. oh well, its a better way of studying things ain't it?

i just miss talking to people who i've been missing a lot like the peeps in 1A, 2A and the whole malay clique just hanging out together. sorry if i was not in a major part of your life but give me a chance yeah? i'm even getting more bored with playing hide and run games that made me conclude, i made the quite an awful decision of letting go but heck, i miss that particular fun that really made me ecstatic these past years. i know things change here and there and yeah, change is constant, you just have to adapt to it (note to self : THAT MEANS YOU ASSHOLE.)

and yeah, random blog posts seem to overwhelm myself and getting to know people's lives that might shock you even more. why do they always get what they want? people are never satisfied with what they have.

let just disappear and never get back shall we?

(note to self again : MATHS HOMEWORK PILING OIEE! )

okbye.

starbucks trip

i know, i know. shhhhhhhhhh.

starbucks hunting was funnier than expected. or maybe the flight to holland was a rollercoaster ride. i found out that that place brings you back to the old days, relaxing your mind and just watching time flies with interesting tourists and superstars walking around.

the fact that a lot of well known shops are there was quite suprising. ice cream shops like swensens and häagen dazs also starbucks and coffee bean around, its a nice place to chill and relax. let your surroundings take you on a trip of relaxation.

oh well for me, its just for a time off. heeeeee.

feast your eyes on the pics!

.

i miss him.

laptops

i'm at ika's and im using her laptop for the first time. it hung out on me when i whined that its fcuking slow. haha. i guess laptops do have feelings. ika just "chased" her dad out cos she wanted to watch bratz. ok so now im watching it with her. hahahaha.

anyways, sorry for the lack of updates, been busy with life. hahaha typical answer. nahh just been busy with school which suck big time and homeworks pile everytime. every period seems like i wanna end it badly. i have not create a timetable for my revision. ahhhhhhhhhhh.

and friends are being typical. enough said.
i need joy i need laughter. i need nd.