123 - he is mine

i miss this boy right now. i'm trying my best to keep up till this friday where i'm gonna squeeeeeze his cheeks and arms like no one cares. especially when there are no means to contact him due to his scandal taking over his phone - prepaid card. so i guess i'll have to wait.

i thought of planning to meet up with farah but i guess she's at winnie's studying her ass off. that's the next place i can find her aint it? ika and dee's got school due to exams and good luck to you both. wawa, studying or maybe out with her friends or having somebody over. and me? i just woke up, hoping to finish studying PAS and MIC BY TODAY with the help of an empty house of no calls, no music and no internet - later.

my phone isn't ringing.
perhaps being in solitude works best.
why should i bother abt other ppl's lives ain't it?
being labelled as a busybody or such.

wait, dida where are you?

heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
just joking. i bet she's studying her ass off too, AT STARBUCKS.
lol

its fasting month ppl!
(singing tune, neh ni neh ni poo poo) i'm gonna loose weight, i'm gonna loose weight!

kantoi.

122

whatever happened to the sanity that we all had and the common space of saying out whatever's on their mind, i want it back. i want it all back. i can't take it anymore. i hate pretending.

why can't it just be like this

' I miss ___&___ right now!!!! I need to give up one weekend of partying to meet them soon.......... I still love you girls most k? Though i don't show but you must know. xoxo '

121 - bitter heart just to keep it all inside

okay i dont know where to start. i feel like bursting.
CAN THIS THING THATS BEEN BOTHERING ME END LIKE AKJFEKJNWSVAVHANDSDGFWERGUIHRSGJASKDHGEIWAGUHRWOAG
PRETEND GAMES ARE OVER GUYS.
I WAVE THE WHITE FLAG.
I PROPOSE A HEART TO HEART SHARING SESSION OVER DRINKS PEOPLE.
EEEEEEEEEEEE.

i love emo rollercoaster, this will end up in tears.

121 - you're like a dream, a dream come true

i'm a sucker for love songs and the latest song that i'm hooked is by jonas brothers. i need a bowl of ice now to take away the numb on my fingers because i have been playing the chords over and over again to perfect it. maybe i am able to make it a surprise or something. i have yet to plan.

i'm yearning to watch GG 3 which airs during my attachment break in the US. talking about attachement = second batch = my hari raya gone = plan outings with me people!

i realise i've been on this skin way too long. i will be searching for new skins at a later date when all my exams are over and the 3 week break after 28 august is on. fasting month! geeee i'm so excited idk why although my hari raya went down the drain. breaking fast with FOC girls, sec sch mates, boyfee has to be planned alongside my part time work with american school adding on fasting and oh so exciting attachment (which i am scared of).

from now on, i will try to decrease my emo posts as it's shown previously. its just that i had a rough time and nobody seems to wanna listen so i put it on my blog. simple.

i've been sidetracking my revisions and i'm sick and tired of it. especially why i cant beat the tetris score on facebook and also sims 3 which appeals to me all of a sudden and also the tv with awesome movies shown. i am dead meat.

asyraf doesnt seem to help either. i asked him to pester me to study and he will do the opposite.

sheeshkebabhailamamamamama.

=\

120 - i'm finding mr brightside

stay tuned for a pocket full of sunshine that is gonna shine out my way.
i think i am bipolar.

119 - why did we end up like this

i think people have a lot of trouble saying their problems with me to my face.
but when i list down my reasons, all the deaf ears stand before me leaving me to just keep quiet and never talk about it. so how? should i just eat myself up?

sometimes i feel like killing myself.

118 - this time we climb so far to fall again

monday
Fasting
wake up late - yay! (no NSL lesson)
AAP lympathic system (gives me headaches)
break fast at idk where?
DO SOCIOLOGY PWP!

tuesday
Fasting?
FON presentation.
FON careplan = 9% of module!
AAP tuition
HS delegates meeting (wohoo go usherers!)

Wednesday
fasting.
sociology group meeting
AAP lecture
Tuition
Grab my uniform from the shop
study my ass off for NSL prac

Thursday
fasting? no/maybe
NSL practical test at 2-4
start AAP-ing

Friday
fasting?
or should i go out with hafiz?

Saturday
fasting.
Rentak Singapura (!!!!!!)(have yet to listen intently to 89.7fm. so balme myself if i don't know any song.)

Sunday
fasting.
FINISH UP SOCIOLOGY!
START FON-ING.

________________________________________________________________

among my timetable in the week, i only meet my boyfee once.
now i get it why he's been so hard working on this relationship while i'm just cruising thru it.

i'm sorry.



/EDIT/

I FORGOT know THAT THIS COMING SATURDAY IS OUR 23RD MONTHSARY!
OMG OMG OMG.

HOW?

/EDIT/

117 - watch him as he goes

it's a blur. how a day can be the best and the worst at the same time. it's like one minute, you forget about the whole world, just being with your favourite person and they left you feeling appalled at the next moment. have you ever been in such situations? cos i just did.

somehow maybe i have to get a grip at the past and move on as if the past is just history. what if the past haunts you until you fear of what is going to happen in the future or even at this second in life? live in fear or just put out a brave upfront and face it cos it is still going to be there and nothing could change it.

i've never felt so stabbed and morose that every word that had been said started to raise question marks in my head, making me doubtful of everything that i have done wrong in the past that might be right or could go right. what everyone can benefit from and perhaps they can be happier than they are cos i cant seem to give what they want. i even gave myself a chance to learn and show what you wanted me to be and i felt i kinda lost in myself. i didn't know such sincere intentions can get all complicated that it resulted in something else. the thing is i was so brainless and never ever thought it was one of the reasons until yesterday hit me like a ton of bricks. i played a game that i thought i mastered but in the end, it pinched me. how could i overlooked such a simple reason?

whether it is a compliment or adoration, it doubted me now. whether it is for me or just another sentence that makes me go 'yeaah right'. especially after adoring a really good looking person, obviously we're incomparable cos who could i defeat anyway, i'm always at the losing end. adding up to what every other person who have hinted or judge me, what makes your comments so credible for me to believe?

look on the 'bright' side, why are you with me-again?

'irdk'

as intricate as this post might be, i just want this to stay here. NOBODY (including you) to question, ask or vice versa what it's all about. i've come to a conclusion that i AM okay with it and this is just a one time affair and i am just expressing what i think about this situation.

that is it.

116 - your sex is on fire

charlie simpson is yummy.

115 - 108, we're losing you

i was at Ignite yesterday despite my constant cough and a different tone of voices. i screamed my heart out when a vacant affair performed. i love AVA. this was my second time watching them live and its awesome. i wonder if fightstar's gna come cos if they are, i am soo gonna go.

i lazed around today doing basically nothing. i woke up at 12noon due to my late night talks and also the hyperness of yesterday night or maybe the meds took over me so i pitied boyfee for a moment.

CITS presentation on monday, HS delegates meeting on tuesday, AAP tutoring on wed, MIC prac on thursday and idk anything special on fri. maybe i should plan to go out with boyfee cos i miss him a lot. HAHA. (those words barely come out from me, really.)

can we get over this already?

hold on hold on,
i've been waiting here for too long
for too long.

114 - i'm gonna take you out tonight, i'm gonna make you feel alright

i am loving kate spade's bags and i'm planning to buy a bag. my current one is nearly torn and it can't carry the load that i am carrying right now.

i can hear boyfee saying 'wait for me to rob a bank.'

i'm in the midst of panic attack and brain congestion.

i need my spa vacation now, please.


=\

113 - how could you be so dr evil?

idk why i'm blogging. hahaha. i'm gna talk crap.

i'm loving school now. with projects nearly done and assignments done. the company's been awesome. laughed my arse off just now with elyne and dida about having speech and hearing problem. these people just need to dig their ears and enunciate words right - including me. HAHA.

twittering tom, listening to the fray and psychology project slides to finish up.

i'm missing afiqah, huda, wani, ezzati and atiqah!

):

112 - essay done

so i was up at 12am yesterday night singing songs to my dear boyfee on the phone and hoping to finish my essay that is due in 2 weeks while boyfee was watching this show who showed a character that has a devil dad and angel mum while taufik was laughing hysterically and i could hear it which made me laugh even more and that dragged on till 2am which results me in doing this.

interesting enough? no?

i am so glad CNP project is done! i'm starting school tmr so its all back to the -___- and :O and :D and =/ and +____+ and ^>^ faces.

hahahahah idk whats wrong with me.
ouh i'm missing some drinks
pretty pretty drinks



hahah guess what people, my essay is done at last!
:D

words cant express how i feel

i dont know what's the big deal in korean dramas.
what's the big deal? really?

i've got CITS shitzxzxzzx tmr.
and have to start on FON alrd.
also finish up my PAS presentation
and MIC test this week.

all sunk in yet?

NAHH.
WEKK!

OKAY THIS GOTTA BE THE MOST CRAPIEST ENTRY EVER.
seriously.

as haunting as it may be

we may appear as the weirdest and most un-understandable couple
but what matters most is that theres you and theres me
listening to our song as we embraced
nothing could beat that moment
where i could just close my eyes with serenity

happy 22nd month hafiz

♥

'you're so artsy fartsy like that'
' hahahahahahah yeah rite -_____- '

'i didn't know my boyfriend is so dramatic'
'i didn't know my girlfriend was a sleepy bum'

'my boyfriend is scared of ___'
'no, it's just shocking that's all'
' yeah rriiiitttteeee'

the haunting of Connecticut was awesome.

why do i put myself in these situations

yes, its the holidays for me! at last. project meetings this wed thurs and friday. wouldnt be able to make it on friday for cnp cos i'll be going overseas. And that's when i can go gaga over shopping and getting all the food i want.

i just wanna break out form being in this same situation that happened a year back. being not in the know and gotten to know from somebody else is so yesterday. it's like i've never existed and i have to go on my own painstaking journey to find out what is it and in the end, i'm the one losing out.

its okay, i have plenty of things to look out for. the shopping trip, my sims 3 marathon (!!), the spa trip, the karaoke trip, the movie marathon trip and the stargazing trip all to myself. it's time to indulge and close my ears to all that is happening outside.

exhausted - TOTALLY.

red is now my favourite colour
:D

you know you're my saving grace

i've finished 90210 season one and how silver and dixon's relationship progressed. its kinda sad silver have a bipolar disorder and its like a whole new reality sets in. dixon and silver went through a lot. i don't know why i'm posting about them but yeah, enjoy :)








sometime being different isn't a bad thing either especially
when i'm not the typical and normal girlfriend that loves all those normal things
and you might not know just what our fate will be.

i'm a dead person

spasm.

Saturday sumed up as FUN. like 'inney kudusai mmmchunga unthaya'. AHAHHA. only me and my siblings know that, unless you are a HUGE drake and josh fan. :D it was a really really hot and humid saturday with 10,000 people around you in a small little place called wild wild wet. long queues to rides, slow moving lines in the shower and the hot blazing sun shining on your skin with one task in mind, how to find your boyfriend in that tiny little place with people shoving you around. trust me, i gave up after an hour.

i have some foam party pictures in the process which i love them a lot. the others, well not so much. or maybe the fact that didicazly was there to perform at the concert. funny story, i had to run all the way from ehub's toilet to see didi at d'marquee when the initial plan was to find a shirt protector. okay, i know boyfee will be like 'you would wanna run for a stranger when you see him but you dont do that for me'. sorry boyfee :(

but the best part was to ride the ular-lah with a bunch of oh-perasan-hot sissys screaming like AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH in high pitch with me laughing away instead of screaming like hell. but i love 'em sissys. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA :D

my eyes are dreading to shut them tight and wake up late tmr. i have floorball practise but i won't be coming. i have overdued stuff to do like study NSL before this coming practical test, AAP before i can go crazy about gluteus maximus, FON test before i'm in a state of confusion between its ethics and history, AAP quiz before i'm irritated cos i got 19/20 but now its like 18, uniforms to alter and ironed, CITS assignments and grp work to hand up before i go insane, NPSU'S form and picture before i lose my GL-potential place, the uniform protector to buy before i panic, plan a date with boyfee before i go mentally crooked cos its been long since we've talk, like really talk, plan sneaky weakies and the financial stuff before i loose my mind, talk to my mum about PDA ordering before i use up all the money for that, buy a concession or my monday will be cockup.

MY HOLIDAYS, THEY ARE GOING GOING GONE.
TAKE ME TO DESARU PLEASE!
SOMEBODY!

and i'm still waiting for boyfee to text/call me since 245pm just now. i bet he's as dead beat as me.

what a couple.
BOOOSHAA :(

pocket full of sunshine

catching up with her in MI made me realize that that could have been my future if i seem sure to stand my ground and prove to myself that i could do it. the atmosphere in MI was fun but i'm sure there's too much going on which only an inside understatement between me and her. :D i miss my dear friend. she was the one who was my other half during sec school and everything i know about her, she does the same way about me. now i know why it seems difficult to let it out.
but nevertheless, i'm okay right now. i fell and learnt to get my way back up - alone. i guess its time to grow up. face it, cause it will always be like that and it's gonna stay that way for my whole life.

exams, clinical attachments, birthdays, camps and projects are up during term break.
i can make it through this i'm sure.
i'm begining to love what i do.

:D

and that IS a good thing.

shut up and put your money where your mouth is

i'm tired of pretending i'm okay when i'm not.
i loathe being like this.
i don't even know where to start or how to begin.
i'm uncertain of expressing it to anyone.
i'm too tired to look for anyone cos it has always been that way for a very long time.

maybe it's just the time of the year where everybody you smile at seems weird and you're just left on the sidelines.

crush me.

invincible

heartless and disappointed, i'm invincible.