.

i need you near me now. i never knew just how.
you're a part of me and all i am. i've never been this scared,
never was so uncertain of what to do or speak.
i've never been so alone. i've never been without you, never had more than i could keep

and what i need now is, somone like you, can't believe i didnt look you up, even before i knew how you have waited for me, i know now.

now put my hand in yours, could you feel me now?
i know you'll always be there more than i could.

desperate i'm calling out your name
can you hear me
i'm falling i can't feel your flame
it's so cold and now
i wanna go home
wanna feel your arms around me
can you hear me
save me

a fairy tale

since everyone's been writing stories, this is the right time for me to do too! nyeaha. i'm not good in writing fairy tales though. i had a deprived childhood.

__________________________________________________________________

tragic fairy tale.

In a fairy tale land, there lived a princess named hazel. Her eyes are as bright as the brightest star, her mind too was as intelligent as the intelligent wizard. She was born with a carefree life, nothing could interfere her innocence. she was nice to all the animals in the woods. they became her friends. she was being liked by her villagers. however, she have always felt something was amiss.

As Princess Hazel grew older, she became vulnerable to insecurities that could harm her inside out. however, she dared to take risks. so she decided to take on the world, secretly. furthurmore, it was the best time as her parents were fighting over the smallest stuff. Princess Hazel travelled with her beloved white horse, she came as far as the tall mountains and the longest rivers to search what she was missing. she stumbled upon small villages and the most caring people ever.

Meanwhile back at her kingdom, the villagers were looking everywhere for her. it caused panicked to the whole kingdom. soldiers were deployed to search for her everywhere. the king and queen had their plan corrupted. they wanted Princess Hazel to marry to Prince Russel. both parties had made an agreement to marry them off.

It was until she reached the other kingdom, she was hooked on the picturesque views of the sunsets, sunrise, oceans and waves. she fell in love with the people she was with who gave the best hospitality throughout her stay. one day, she was having a long walk and was thinking to herself, whether she should just go back home and settle down. she thought she had tried enough searching for that something missing. she didnt even knew what she was looking for. she thought it was a fruitless search after all.

While Princess Hazel was sitting on the rocks, with her luscious black hair being pushed and pulled back by the breeze, she was approached by a young gentleman. he was tall dark and handsome, (like the way fairytales are) named Charles. the moment she looked into his eyes, she fell for him. suddenly, all fell into place, she knew what she was searching for. her life partner. Sadly, Princess Hazel doesnt know that Charles was sent by her parents to search for her. Charles consoled Princess Hazel to go back to his kingdom and get married.

She had to say goodbye to the place and merrily, Charles and Princess Hazel started on a journey. They were madly in love however, Princess Hazel had sudden fear. She feared of being loved as it was the one magical feeling that she had not felt before. So she had to hold back her feelings. She feared. She didnt want to get hurt.

to be continued.

excruciating

i dont know what i'm going through right now. i feel too guilty for words. i'm sorry for being like this. i don't know how i'm gonna get my way back to you. hopeless illusions are just too demoralising to think of. i'm sorry if i'm expecting too much. i know i've heard you said i have the right but oh well, i set the bar to high i guess. it's like i know what i exactly want of you, i tried. expectations are like hanging in the air, and time is running out. this is the most crucial time of the year, i really need to spend time with myself and contemplate my thoughts, and let the days get by without having to think of this.

i'm sorry.

as this stress escalates.

prelims are in just in a matter of days. i don't know why i'm online right now. perhaps to chill and rest for a moment. everybody needs a break. i just don't want to be too relaxed that i'll be panicking doing the prelims. its tough to go back home and do all that you are suppose to do as a student, but i'm enjoying it actually. i found out that after studying, i feel a huge sense of satisfaction and i can't even be able to sleep. and the stress can be seen on my face -a lot of pimples, theres this hideous and humungus one under my nose, i hate that- and i've been cranky all the time, for a lot of times. maybe i'm tired. i'm trying my best to sleep and miraculously, my biology textbook makes me sleepy. yeah, i should do that later.




have i told you that i love fridays? theres PE and 3 other of my favourite subjects. Sadly today's PE was the last one that we were going to have. I must say today's PE was one of the most fun-nest ever. guys suck at netball! hahahahah. but it was funny. XL trying to scare me when i have the ball, which made me screamed, Daniel clapping in my face, tricking me that was in his team, Leon guarding the pole, shaking it so that our opponent wont be able to shoot, melvin being blur, passing the ball not to me but to the opponent, and the tiresome jumps that i had to make as the guys were enormously, hovering the skies, unabling me-usually one of the tallest in netball- to try and catch the freaking ball. the court was wet and our shoes stenched like hell. but the time spent was worth it.




rentak singapura was fun! my part time break for a while. the show was amazing. revalina's new member is cute la. hahahhaa. okay im crappy. but the whole trip and concert was entertaining and got me screaming for stupid rock songs performed by twitching bass player due to his freaking long hair. it was at the strings of the bass la! maybe even longer! didi's performance was the best actually, so full of emotion and capture's the audience well.




so now let me feast your eyes on the pictures and adios amigos!

Oral

lets face it, my life is nearly over.

NDP

yep, there i was at the back of the merlion. national day was a fun trip with my family - not all of them. the fun part wasn't the fireworks-it was actually no fun at all, its the same every year- it was the getting wet part by the merlion. due to the temperemental winds, the merlion spat on a lot of us, making us drenched wet. although my aunt, mum and sister took cover, me asyraf and elyana went to the front near the steps towards the lake and in front of the merlion and feast our eyes on the F1 boats and big huge boats with kites. the fun part also was the part where we three sang along and me being the oldest, couldnt care less what other people taught of me. HAHA.

and while waiting for the fireworks-which should've been given a miss- i had to entertain the kids. we played poppeye, sang songs and dance to no music! hahaha. i did not know what got over me but overall i enjoyed this lovely trip with the family after being apart from them for quite some time. it was better than expected. and getting food after that was a chore. especially when we decided to get to bukit timah's al azhar after being rejected by restaurants which appears to be closed.

that was actually to be missed ndp parade.

and days after that was no better - until yesterday 10-4am in the morning.

he knows who he is.

:DDD

i don't know what you do but i love that thing you do.

hahahah.

seoul garden pics

no wonder.

My horoscope for today.

Pieces
Your creativity is strong now, and it's helping you see beauty everywhere you look.
Your creative juices are flowing fast and furious today, and they will help you see beauty nearly everywhere you look. The symmetry of an office cubicle suddenly strikes you as poetic, the glare of traffic headlights seem to twinkle in time with the music on your radio. What you saw as visual noise now becomes a beautiful symphony. Don't take this special kind of insight for granted. Tune into it, because it will lead you to a wonderful and exciting new idea.

its all in the stars baby. all in the stars.
HAHHA.

Friday madness.

" Hi. i'm nasyita and i'm from neptune. i speak an utterly wierd but new language that i can't even re-enact what i made up. and guess what? neptune is preeeetty. it blue and hush hush, i'm a disguised alien. shhhh! "

i do not know what has happened to me today. perhaps its the caffiene addiction that i had yesterday night-an overdose of it! i'm practically bored and cannot find anything else to do. whoa i sound so free. cmon, making up a new language, did lame ol' tricks like snfajyhgfweh to the people around me, shouted at myself without any complete reason and acting like a hooligan around my peeps. rooster run ehhh? haha.

seriously, there's something wierd. i think there's something wrong with me.

serious.

(see how many serious i typed? LA DUH i'm serious. seriousness = 5 times.)

i think no amount of medication can be my remedy for this wierdness that i have today. today made me laugh until perhaps 8 pacs started to form on my stomach. today was the day where somehow, all my stress just vanished to thin air. (but i'm sure it's gna come back sooner or later, stress, please come back to me) practically, i made a lot of people laugh with the stupidness i have.

ok this blog entry is just wierd.

the wierdness continues...

non-ambulant

sigh.

i'm gonna miss 2 days of lessons at school. and that is a lot of time wasted. school is just somewhere i actually have fun. okay, you might think that i'm crazy. guess what. here's another shocker, i love to learn! haha. ok. WEML! <>

as you can see form the title of the post, yep. i 'm not mobile. my feet hurts like a gazzilion times due to an internal injury in my foot. idk why but i think its gna take a long time to heal. i don't even know whats the cause of it. maybe i like using my feet, putting it perpendicularly to the ground and use it to support my left feet. hahahah. that is so mathematically proven.

now it takes me 5 minutues to reach the door. a whole 15 mins to reach plaza from my school and a whole lot more to climb up 6 floors to my classroom. can i have a lift pass please? hahahh.

staying at home ain't fun at all. let's see what i did today. woke up at 9am, read the news till 10, wash up, had breakfast, started poa hw at 12, did maths at 1, and till now, i've been moving from one place to another-OUT OF BOREDOM.

the tv sucks as usual and i cant bring myself up to finish my to do list today. AAAHHHHHHH.

CANT WAIT FOR SEOUL GARDEN TMR!

say BEN-day!

youth day - holiday - BEN DAY!

it was all planned to have an outing with our used-to-be-singaporean-now-new-zealander mate, ben suarez! people were a bit agitated and frustrated on the decision whether to go or not but it was not a whole gang like the other time. it was just a small group of us, with one thing in mind - we had not planned the trip well enough. all of a sudden we were stuck in paragon while it was raining cats and dogs. then the adventure started. going through rain and passing over fountains - what a way to entertain ourselves. we finally settled in esplanade rooftop, which was filled with different kinds of fumes, and just let the time pass by. camwhoring with ben and the girls, memories made. the trip ride home was the part that was worthwhile and sort of summed up the whole trip. ben shared his life over in the new country and he kept talking about his car and his license-which we arent acclaimed of yet. boo hoo. but that was the quality time that i treasured dearly.

the peeps

a nicer version :DD

and me eaten by ben's bushy hair

oh how i wish i could just get out of singapore and live a place far far far away from here? before that, i would need to travel on my own get a decent place to stay, earn a lot of money and settle down after i'm satisfied with my life. hahaha.

DPA just started. i thought of applying for diploma in international business, but i dont have the right recommendations and participations. ahhhhhhh. i so wanna go into that course. perhaps i should meet rufi first and ask about the poly thingy and how to cope with it. i still remember i need to get amaths notes from rufi! ahha.

picture after picture, i've been wanting to find new styles for myself and start to look prepared for the future. i envy how people dress to kill and those who actually dress to look mature. just like fifi and hudz! ahhhhh.

btw, me with straight hair - NO NO.

and ending this with an all-time favourite.

new, mature and retarded robots with new member!

cheers for the photos!

wednesday

time flies and its been half of the week gone. i still couldnt get the gear running and say that 'NAS, O LEVELS ARE IN LIKE 15 WEEKS!' oh well, i'm nearing to completion of notes so im taking my time to rest and study at the same time - wow that's not me. HAHA.

school has been quite predictable and the same clique and homework routine over and over. i told fit that we will get bored of this. oh well, we do anyways. haha. at least i have someone to entertain me in class now - daniel! weeee. and talking a whole lot of POA-ing with fit's life with xl was very very very funny. hahaha. dont worry xl, invest more you'll gain profit at the end of day! try harder! hahah. you know i know they dont know la eh :D

ben was at our school just now. can i say his hormones are ranging and getting hotter by the year. i was thinking to myself if i was gone for the year - nobody knows when i'm gone, just disappear for a moment, it'd be cool to come back with a whole new feel about yourself. but the odds are that they're gonna ask why and how you ran, no contact and all that shit - overall, a hypocrite? hahah. i've been called a lot of bad names anyway. why not add another one? no one would care.

can i name myself a very very very eeeevil person. its like i'm affecting people without me knowing and fit and me just had a very very very wierd convo which makes people's eyes bulge and cringe. oh well, its a better way of studying things ain't it?

i just miss talking to people who i've been missing a lot like the peeps in 1A, 2A and the whole malay clique just hanging out together. sorry if i was not in a major part of your life but give me a chance yeah? i'm even getting more bored with playing hide and run games that made me conclude, i made the quite an awful decision of letting go but heck, i miss that particular fun that really made me ecstatic these past years. i know things change here and there and yeah, change is constant, you just have to adapt to it (note to self : THAT MEANS YOU ASSHOLE.)

and yeah, random blog posts seem to overwhelm myself and getting to know people's lives that might shock you even more. why do they always get what they want? people are never satisfied with what they have.

let just disappear and never get back shall we?

(note to self again : MATHS HOMEWORK PILING OIEE! )

okbye.

starbucks trip

i know, i know. shhhhhhhhhh.

starbucks hunting was funnier than expected. or maybe the flight to holland was a rollercoaster ride. i found out that that place brings you back to the old days, relaxing your mind and just watching time flies with interesting tourists and superstars walking around.

the fact that a lot of well known shops are there was quite suprising. ice cream shops like swensens and häagen dazs also starbucks and coffee bean around, its a nice place to chill and relax. let your surroundings take you on a trip of relaxation.

oh well for me, its just for a time off. heeeeee.

feast your eyes on the pics!

.

i miss him.

laptops

i'm at ika's and im using her laptop for the first time. it hung out on me when i whined that its fcuking slow. haha. i guess laptops do have feelings. ika just "chased" her dad out cos she wanted to watch bratz. ok so now im watching it with her. hahahaha.

anyways, sorry for the lack of updates, been busy with life. hahaha typical answer. nahh just been busy with school which suck big time and homeworks pile everytime. every period seems like i wanna end it badly. i have not create a timetable for my revision. ahhhhhhhhhhh.

and friends are being typical. enough said.
i need joy i need laughter. i need nd.

:D

When will i see your face again - Jamie Scott Feat The Town

Here I Am, Everyday,
Since You Said, You'd Come Again,
But It's Not Fair, Cos You're Not Here,
I Wait In Vain, But Nothing Has Changed,

I'm A Flower, Soaking In The Rain,
If I Could Wish One Thing, I'd Hear You Call My Name,

So When Will I See Your Face Again,
When Will You Touch My Life Again (ohh yeah),
When Will I Breathe You In Again (ha),
I Think I Love You, Will I See Your Face Again,

Little Thing, Like The Rain Coming,
She Looked At Me A Certain Kind Of Way,
Tell Me Girl, Where Are You Now,
'Cos I Don't Know How Much Longer I can Wait,

I'm A Dreamer, Waiting For The Sun,
When You're Coming In, I know My Life's Begun,
Tell Me Girl...

When Will I See Your Face Again (ohh yeaaah),
When Will You Touch My Life Again (ummm um),
When Will I Breathe You In Again,
I Think I Love Youuu, Will I See Your Face Again,

You Know That All My Life I've Been Waaaiting,
Waiting For Some, Someone Like You To Love Me,
You Can't Come By Like An Angel, Into My Life,
And then Fly Away, Fly Away,

Oh Honey, Cos I, Uh Baby, Ba Ba Doo Yeah, Ohh ohhhh,
Sing, I've Only Seen Youuu, Oh, I Said, Uh huh, I Said I Said, Yeah (woo)

When Will I See Your Face Again (I Wanna See You Once In My Life),
When Will You Touch My Life Again, (Wanna See You Twice In My Life),
When Will I Breathe You In Again (ohhh),
I Think I Love Youuu, Will I See Your Face Again,

I said, see Bap pa da doo ba ba (ohhh),
Bap Ba Doo Yeah, That's What We Do Yeaahhh (ohh),
When Will i See Your Face Again My Friend,
Oh Yeah, I Think You Gotta Let Me Know Yeah,
Ohh Yeahhh...

Click.

i'm halfway through my novel, jodi picoult's perfect match. i really cant wait who is the culprit. Nina's in jail and hopefully Nathaniel would be alright without his mum around.

click. rewind. if that is possible in life, i certainly would have.

sadly, i've been trying to be my best and trying to get into my head that i'm all alone, not attached. people say i'm heartless. yes i am. i keep every feeling to myself that i don't know what/how to feel anymore. History made me become heartless and i can't blame anyone about that except myself.

okay i'm here not to be emo or anything. haha.

anyways, blog skin changed :D life's been sucky and i'm really really in love with Dougie Poynter. ahhhh somebody shoot me.

oh yeah, i've got plans to go california on my own, so i'm finding somebody to host me. geeeee. london's calling tapi tknak pergi. cali jugak yg nak gi. aperdahh.

till then, i better finish up reading my novel and get my book review done. sheesh. O's coming. aaaaaaaahhhhhh !

useless

' try to find some alone time with an engrossing novel that can take you far, far away from your current reality. ' - that's what my horoscope says.

all i can say is, let karma take place on my life.
it was such a pleasure knowing such a pleasant sweet guy and i think you deserve better.
thanks for everything.


=\

work

holidays! yes. and i took a long time to update this blog. i've been MIA-ing for months here. i've been living my life normally, without having to use this necessity of using technology to keep up with my life ( which is the computer ). haha. i update randomly as my life gets its best or its worst, whether i am in the mood to tell the world what i've been up to. okay, i should stop this crap.

this holidays i manage to get work to find some financial support to attend to some unidentified problems, which is yet to be known. if you don't understand, act like you understand. hee. basically i need money, lots of it.

working at deli is fun, really. the food, the staff and the environment is adaptable. haha. i met a lot of different kinds of people. one that manage to get my attention is Andy. hetalkslikethisfastwithouthavingafullstoptoeverysentencethathewouldsay. basically, i just gave him a o.0 face and chuckle cos i would keep quiet and get confused. he's been working there for 2 years and he says its boring. HAHA. how ironic. he's still working there now. and having him to teach me what to do is just funny. i remembered i was being told to do this and that and i would give a comment like, 'baru kerje sini dah kene bully.' and he would like get 'pissed' with me and do the work himself when in the end, i still need to do it.

he got a special request from me. he wants to be called ninja. haha. and asyiq adds on the turtle. hahaha. he will be asking me,'who am i?' i would say, 'ninjaaaa!' 'okay, good newbird.' HAHA. its just pure fun to have someone who is like a brother to you. he's schooling. haha. i remembered there was this indian man with a low voice and was ordering. he went to change his voice to suit the old man's voice and i couldnt hold my laughter la! hahaha. 'tu baru sikit jer, you havent heard the rest. hahahah', he said. i wonder how would i react to that.

work yesterdat with dee nunu and wawa was tiring. and matter of fact, i wasnt picked today. sheesh. i hate that la.

okay, my backbone is tired. oh yah, check out the layout of my blog, its changed.

:D

geek the chic

hello ~ !

did 60 push ups and crunches, jogged around the school twice, played volleyball with uncooperative classmates, leon farted five times and he's proud of it, class phototaking was akjafklejf, walking home was wierd, maths homework compiling, fitri's bimboness is soooooo akjfakejf but i seem to need it everyday, leon waited for me doing maths which was funny, i 'smacked' boyfee's face with glue - what a day.

it's been a while since i sat down and recollect my feelings and say truthfully about what i am going to say. i miss those times. perhaps i remembered that i would post if i'm in love. and yes i do now :D

many things happened ever since the holiday break. my life seems extra special to have someone who loves me and appreciate who i am for what i am. it's just extraordinary to have somebody loving you. its funny how i'm attached. i serioualy feel that i wasnt until it really hit me. wait. i'm attached? hahaha. impossible but it's true. nyeahaha. its been 2 weeks and heading for the third. i dont really like counting the days but he always remind me after every week that passed. i would be surprised that he would remember. not that i would forgot or anything. its just that let time just pass and we'll recall how long we've been when the time is right.

and things are just where i wanted it to be. not that i want it to be this way but it just seem to fit just the right time.

i'm loving it.

:D