make it work.

i pose with starbucks a lot more than i do with my boyfee, please pay me thank you. (HAHA!)

I had my longest bath yet, to calm the nerves and intensity on my shoulders, clean of the dead skin on my feet, pop my blackheads and whiteheads which hurts, conditioned my limp dry hair and spa-ed my face just cause i had the time to do it. now i know how it feels to work as a teacher. thank god its friday.

i have been substituting for 3 weeks now and i'm as weak as a marathon runner. chasing kids around, repeat my words to the monsterific ones, go through all that like a record breaker for 10 classes. sounds like hell to you yet? But i still love them. Like Raoni who is like a small version of chris brown ( REALLY. ), Harold who is so cute when he melatah, Ryan who walks like a duck with his blue eyes, shaun who doesnt let go of me when he hugs, maxwell who give me a cheeky smile when i smiled at him and Christopher who always sticks out his tongue at me and then smile.

i am so waiting for the cheque and all that. the sum its quite demanding its as if i havent done enough. now i look forward to weekends and i got another week to go. after that, sleepovers and outings will fill up my calender. Being busy filling up forms for the enrollment and get ready for school which it is already time! can't wait mannnn!

AND OH MY BIRTHDAY! :D
( i am so gonna have a hotter boyfee :D )

just some random excerpt form a long time fanfic.

Tash : charlie, i think we should have one of ours ourselves.
charlie : what are you talking hun?
tash : look at them! (pointing at tom and hannah, Kate's children, who were running around like crazy) arent they cute?
Charlie : aww tash. they are cute but can't you see them? they're like monsters! MONSTERS i tell you! (saw tom hitting hannah with his shoe )
Tom : (grinned at charlie with his teeth all covered in chocolate)
Charlie : MONSTER!

HAHAHAHAHA. ITS SO RANDOM REALLY!

V-day

i didnt know valentines' makes you look like this.

i'm trying to upload the fish spa video, one that i went with wawa.
vimeo is being a bitch and youtube is so slow.

try this.
if it works, laugh your ass off alright?

with love, nas.

i miss my partner in crime

i met fit after work. i dragged myself actually. i was darn tired cos i didnt had my vitamins this morning and having to drag mats and handling satanic children were quite a chore. now my eyes are droopy, waiting for it to hit the sack.

catching up with her was a random but great one. MI seems fun and crazy from what i heard. We had boyfriend talk and future talks, like we always do in class. i really miss how i see her everyday at school, bringing her loyal paperbag for breakfast and i always get excited for it :D.
she brought the best breakfast every single day.

4 years. i'm trying to find the cambodia pictures we took. it suddenly made me recall about the chaotic hotel stays and food craze. HAHA.

okay i miss secondary school.

17th months

another month comes again
it was like the past was just yesterday
and i'm sure there'll be loads more to come

i know you can't get enough of me
even though i'm really really weird,
thank you for loving me just the way i am
how i love you is how you love me too
(:

p/s : at last ice cream with pancakes!

sick

cny with dad's side, the day of the eclipse

i'm down with flu and god knows when i got my flu the other time it was a chore. ive been trying this new vitamin and i hope it helps. from what i'm suffering, its like the side effects. oh well, i hope it wont be for long! i have a (unplanned) date tommorrow!

gossip girl marathon yesterday was uber fun, oogling on ed westwick as usual but sadly my 2nd disc of gossip girl seem to be unreadable. so it kinda suck. have to wait for the whole season!

okay, im planning and i hope it goes well.

im freaking sick!
:(

squeeze me.

i was the only one ready. HAHA

it was unexpected how the american school called me and asked to be a substitute for 2 days early in the morning. the night before i had plans with bfee to go for a getaway with his dvd player and my 90210/gossip girl season 2. i had to set aside those plans cos i cant be rejecting the american school for the 2nd time because of our plans again. so i went up in a daze, got ready in like 5 mins, and reached at the school at 750, just nice before the class starts.

my two days there was a blast and it really squeezed my energy out, whatmore a PE / motorskills / aerobics / gymnastics class. its been ages since i excercised but the first day went by faster than i thought and pleased the teacher. my second day too! there megan with pink cute gymnastics attire where i have to send her for after school, theres daniel who doesnt listen to me, theres lydia who gave me a small cutout heart and theres this girl who invented me a nickname, ' lets call her chihuahua! ' and the class went ' chihuahuaaaaaaa! hahaha' she couldnt stop kissing my arm and hugging me during her class. oh did i mention they are kindergarten children? oh my. i love kids!

and in just two days, i got hooked on their american slang. its addictive. imagine me going to the british school on something? hahahhahahah. hello lads!

oh oh the cafeteria with hot hot heat middle school kids who are younger than me, they look way older than their age. theres the adam brody, the chad micheal murrey, the blond ronald weasley, the hot nicole scherzinger, the bitchy lindsay lohan and even the hot clark kent lookalikes.

oh my, i cant wait for the next subbing!

:D

hooked

so, now i've spent my days lazing on the couch with a great tv schedule everyday. from little nyonya to some free movies on mio tv, i'm loving it. especially when your parents bought you some awesome seasons to look and drool at.

especially when it involves awsomely hot guys and bitchy girls. and i hope you get what i am trying to say readers. gossip girl 2 is way better than gossip girl 1 and chuck and blair are like NJFASHDFJLH\LKFNDSKJVSMNJVSUIEAF. why can't they just be together?

the only person i can talk about gossip girl to is wajihah and we can spend hours talking about it and HAHA i'm waiting for season marathons!

okay, january's nearly over and its time where everybody's free in their lives.

and tmr's posting results, please let me thru'!

happy 17th birthday Hafiz

i'm just out of words and i thank you profusely
making my life way more meaningful than what it really was
happy 17th birthday to you
it is/was an unforgettable birthday
and may your future be as bright as the stars

ily.

current craze

okay. i'm so gonna save up for this, treat myself a starbucks hot venti vanilla latte, get my nails done, get my hair done and go shopping for upcoming new school or even lay down by the beach, googling to ed westwick on that.

OR

get my sony vaio / (hate to admit) an imac, hit starbucks with hot mocha latte, get nails and hair done, and get down on chace crawford at an airconditioned place, giggling to myself.

that would be delightful.

happy 17th bday farah

4 years of great friendship
ups and downs we've went through
just made us way stronger
and i've seen your true colours to only find how similar we are
hence on this special 22nd january,
to my twinie, happy 17th bday!
we're getting old.
(or maybe just you, seven without the teen you bimbo!)

counting down the seconds

my heart's pounding like there's no tommorow. i feel goosebumps seranading my entire body by the chilled breeze. the clouds curtained the dull grey midnight sky. the moon shined its array of weak light that i could barely see it through my translucent window. the moment is here. taking a deep breath of the mundane air, heaving out a heavy sigh. results are going to be released in 15 hours.

my hopes are as high as the sky and stars.
let's just see how it goes.

happy new year

okay, a bit late but hey people out there! HAPPY NEW YEAR! 2009, may we be blessed with all the love and happiness in our lives.

picking up the courses handbook made my brain topsy turvy. i ahve made up my mind but theres seriously a lot of it to choose from. results is just a couple of weeks away. i'm sure i can make it.

countdown was uber fun and exciting with crazy spandex performers with chicken head and also fuzzy wuzzy here and there reapeating 'i wanna be with you but not now'. their songs were okay la but the fuzzy something band was entertaining. also a few games of tahiti to kill time. sorry if it didnt go as planned.

i'm officially the worst planner ever. until dee and rain came along who kinda saved the day.

HAHA.

5 years time

i've been bloghopping around random blogs, reading on their little adventure to wherever their destinations were, it made me realise why the hell i'm stuck here doing nothing and basically count down the days till i get on with my life. perhaps reading their interesting sights and sounds perked me up and kinda got sparked on a crazy idea. well, let's see, a trip around the world before i get tied down, in 5 years time. right, sound a little teeny weeny bit crazy but hey, it's possible! come on people, laugh with me! haha.

watching sunset at the taj mahal like the one above, one of the few things i should do before i die. haha. and also going to other interesting and popular tourist attractions like the tower of pisa, venice before it extincts, eating gelato at a famous italian restaurant, going on long beach walks along bondi beach. haha, all these may seem a dream. but see me there when im 23-where im a little bit richer than 21!

okay, and oh hail the new year! new resolutions - a new and changed me.

now i miss the cooliest.
please be able to meet on the 31st!
i'm literally dying to meet you guys.

twilight

okay im gonna go watch twilight!
and i changed my skin.
weehooo!

angus thongs and perfect snogging was uber funny.

:D

wedding

so i've been busy for the past week cos i had my uncle's wedding which commenced at fort canning park with quite a grand affair. from friday night to saturday night. the entire event was sweet from the start to the finish.


me and iwan carrying the hantaran. i held a blonde barbie wraped with sweets. its really cute!


me and my bibik, the hottest family member i must say. i yearn to be like her, flying as a job. :D


the girls that i was stuck with. fooling and gossipping around.


the family plus the bride and groom during dinner.


and my favourite favourite adorable adorable flower boy!
Aqil. he's darn hyper i tell you. running around from one end to the other end shouting.
hahahaha.

so this is quite a short post.
till next time, 16 more days to my judgement day.
i want to get my brain cells working.
AHHHHHHH.

happy 15th babe :D

it was surreal. the journey that we went through, being there for each other regardless of anything. the ups and downs of relationship it was all lessons that young love birds have to go through.

when i sat next to you, grabbed hold of your arm and your slightly huge palm, i could cry. tears clouded over my dark brown eyes. that blissful moment was magical. i have never felt that way before. i was showered with love and i felt bad for taking advantage of you.

when you whispered softly in my ears, 'do you want this to last?'
i grabbed your hand tightly, holding back my tears, devouring on that moment.

as i was frantically searching for thoughts in my head, i managed to stumble through my words, gulped and it came out.

'yeah.'

and the silence after that felt like an eternity.
i wanted that moment to last, forever.

happy 15th months hafiz :D
ily.

my thoughts you can't decode.

so yes, i'm back and better (barely there) but physically i'm okay. less coughing here and there and regaining my voice back. i laughed at how i sounded a few days back. sang a whole lot of male songs to my family in the car (which made them pissed HAHA). but hey at least i was providing entertainment to myself. and yes, the holiday was just a short getaway, renew myself and get ready for what was about to happen in the near future.

jobless and proud of it. hahaha. okay, not quite but wth. at most im going for jc or MI since i wasted a lot of my brain cells during these holidays. HAHA. yes, i'm quite prepared but i feel that my brain isnt being put to use. and i feel useless. HAHA. okay. shut it.

everybody seems to be talking about how they change, how they cope with their change and how things in the past changes so fast and whether their prepared of the future, the real world. and after reading ika's blog, it sticks inside my mind a quote 'change is constant'. perhaps obama knew that earlier since it is his campaign. ahhaha, wait. sidetracked! okay.

yep, i believe change is constant. and in oreder to understand that change, you must be adaptable to it. for somebody who see changes that is constantly in her life, i believe i am adaptable. i'm somewhat there but have not developed it fully though. i still need the ones that has been there for years to make me go through life everyday cause they are the ones that has seen through me, for what i had been and for what i am. they are the ones that understand the changes i made during the past years of high school and they are the ones who could adapt to it. they are constantly there but as time pases, one by one, they start to fade away.

that's when you will start to learn how to let go. letting go is hard especially for all the ups and downs you've been through. fading away, one by one. in the end you'll be the only one left. gotten an extract form an indonesian writer. ( i'm loving indonesian books by the way :D )

"Ada kupu-kupu baru keluar dari kepompongnya. Pertama kali kulihat ketika tanpa sengaja aku berada di kebun belakang, menyapu tumpukan daun kering yang jatuh dari ranting pohon. Sayapnya masih basah dan dia tampak kesulitan mengeluarkan diri dari kepompong. Kepompong itu sudah kering, mengerut dan berwarna cokelat tanah.Kupu-kupu itu tidak akan muat lagi berada di dalam kepompongnya jika dia bertahan berada di sana. Dia perlu berkembang dan terbang. Kulihat dia mengeringkan sayapnya di bawah terang matahari lalu tiba-tiba melompat terbang. Lihat, dia terbang tinggi! Luar biasa, aku terpesona. Ah, aku ingin sekali menjadi kupu-kupu itu. Keluar dari kepompongku karena hati yang kumiliki semakin membesar. Kepompongku tidak akan muat menanggung perkembanganku. Aku ingin mencoba sayapku untuk terbang, dan kemudian menjelajahi aneka tanaman di bawah sinar matahari. Aku ingin mengunjungi, terbang bersamamu, menikmati madu manis bunga.
Aku ingin sekali sayang."
*adapted from the novel Gerhana Kembar by Clara Ng*

after reading that, perhaps i'm in that stage where the butterfly is trying to get out from its shell. and getting out from it, it seems hard. but sometimes, you have to. you have to get out from your shell, step out, find your new environment which will adapt to your changes. cause when everyone changes, nobody will want to go back to where they were. everybody will start to think differently, and even have a few differences, becoming mature thinking adults. that is when you will find a new set of friends that is gonna stick to your lives, understand your new changes and get adapted to it. and this will continue as you grow older and enter different phases of your lives.

and what is life without changes? it does take time to develop to become mature thinking adults. but let's put it to this, my dearly beloved friends, we are 16. we are still young. we shouldnt be thinking about all these. maybe a bit of it to ring a bell that you are getting old. still, take your time to get ready for a metamorphosis, we are still young and we do make mistakes. we learn from it and we will get there and be ready to fly. someday.

hafiz, shafika, wajihah, farah, nadiah, hareen i wanna thank you. for being there for me when i made my silly mistakes, adapted to my changes, understood me thoroughly, stood by me during the hardest point of my lives and gave a listening ear to me. i am grateful to have met you guys, and be part of my wonderful life. i hope what we have now won't fade away cause we cant go back to where we were but we could still relive those days now and forever.

ahhh, i feel like crying.
:(

so sick.

nail polish craze

so there is a lot to update on, the good and the bad. prom, outings, red camp and job huntings. people burying the hatchet, shocking details and even jealousy. but hmph, set aside all those cos i wanna complain how sick i am today.

i woke up shivering at 3am in the morning, ate panadol and slept at the sofa. i was soaking wet ard 5 am when my mother woke me up. it was all too sick-ish for me. the influenza that is not ever gonna go, the mad coughing disease and even cold sweat here and there. i had to bail out on the outing that the rest had went on.

now my head is like being banged on the wall, hurting. beating like mad. i cant even move from place to place. my hearing is like one sided, i cannot hear the right, i can hear the left. what the hell is wrong with my body?

i dont know if i need a doctor (its important!). i have not eaten my breakfast, lunch or even dinner at this point of time. i'm weak. i wanna get pumped up by friday's ska fest! and the weekend holiday! please, i need all the medication that i can have.

pretty please?

.

i need you near me now. i never knew just how.
you're a part of me and all i am. i've never been this scared,
never was so uncertain of what to do or speak.
i've never been so alone. i've never been without you, never had more than i could keep

and what i need now is, somone like you, can't believe i didnt look you up, even before i knew how you have waited for me, i know now.

now put my hand in yours, could you feel me now?
i know you'll always be there more than i could.

desperate i'm calling out your name
can you hear me
i'm falling i can't feel your flame
it's so cold and now
i wanna go home
wanna feel your arms around me
can you hear me
save me

a fairy tale

since everyone's been writing stories, this is the right time for me to do too! nyeaha. i'm not good in writing fairy tales though. i had a deprived childhood.

__________________________________________________________________

tragic fairy tale.

In a fairy tale land, there lived a princess named hazel. Her eyes are as bright as the brightest star, her mind too was as intelligent as the intelligent wizard. She was born with a carefree life, nothing could interfere her innocence. she was nice to all the animals in the woods. they became her friends. she was being liked by her villagers. however, she have always felt something was amiss.

As Princess Hazel grew older, she became vulnerable to insecurities that could harm her inside out. however, she dared to take risks. so she decided to take on the world, secretly. furthurmore, it was the best time as her parents were fighting over the smallest stuff. Princess Hazel travelled with her beloved white horse, she came as far as the tall mountains and the longest rivers to search what she was missing. she stumbled upon small villages and the most caring people ever.

Meanwhile back at her kingdom, the villagers were looking everywhere for her. it caused panicked to the whole kingdom. soldiers were deployed to search for her everywhere. the king and queen had their plan corrupted. they wanted Princess Hazel to marry to Prince Russel. both parties had made an agreement to marry them off.

It was until she reached the other kingdom, she was hooked on the picturesque views of the sunsets, sunrise, oceans and waves. she fell in love with the people she was with who gave the best hospitality throughout her stay. one day, she was having a long walk and was thinking to herself, whether she should just go back home and settle down. she thought she had tried enough searching for that something missing. she didnt even knew what she was looking for. she thought it was a fruitless search after all.

While Princess Hazel was sitting on the rocks, with her luscious black hair being pushed and pulled back by the breeze, she was approached by a young gentleman. he was tall dark and handsome, (like the way fairytales are) named Charles. the moment she looked into his eyes, she fell for him. suddenly, all fell into place, she knew what she was searching for. her life partner. Sadly, Princess Hazel doesnt know that Charles was sent by her parents to search for her. Charles consoled Princess Hazel to go back to his kingdom and get married.

She had to say goodbye to the place and merrily, Charles and Princess Hazel started on a journey. They were madly in love however, Princess Hazel had sudden fear. She feared of being loved as it was the one magical feeling that she had not felt before. So she had to hold back her feelings. She feared. She didnt want to get hurt.

to be continued.