so yes, i'm back and better (barely there) but physically i'm okay. less coughing here and there and regaining my voice back. i laughed at how i sounded a few days back. sang a whole lot of male songs to my family in the car (which made them pissed HAHA). but hey at least i was providing entertainment to myself. and yes, the holiday was just a short getaway, renew myself and get ready for what was about to happen in the near future.
jobless and proud of it. hahaha. okay, not quite but wth. at most im going for jc or MI since i wasted a lot of my brain cells during these holidays. HAHA. yes, i'm quite prepared but i feel that my brain isnt being put to use. and i feel useless. HAHA. okay. shut it.
everybody seems to be talking about how they change, how they cope with their change and how things in the past changes so fast and whether their prepared of the future, the real world. and after reading ika's blog, it sticks inside my mind a quote 'change is constant'. perhaps obama knew that earlier since it is his campaign. ahhaha, wait. sidetracked! okay.
yep, i believe change is constant. and in oreder to understand that change, you must be adaptable to it. for somebody who see changes that is constantly in her life, i believe i am adaptable. i'm somewhat there but have not developed it fully though. i still need the ones that has been there for years to make me go through life everyday cause they are the ones that has seen through me, for what i had been and for what i am. they are the ones that understand the changes i made during the past years of high school and they are the ones who could adapt to it. they are constantly there but as time pases, one by one, they start to fade away.
that's when you will start to learn how to let go. letting go is hard especially for all the ups and downs you've been through. fading away, one by one. in the end you'll be the only one left. gotten an extract form an indonesian writer. ( i'm loving indonesian books by the way :D )
"Ada kupu-kupu baru keluar dari kepompongnya. Pertama kali kulihat ketika tanpa sengaja aku berada di kebun belakang, menyapu tumpukan daun kering yang jatuh dari ranting pohon. Sayapnya masih basah dan dia tampak kesulitan mengeluarkan diri dari kepompong. Kepompong itu sudah kering, mengerut dan berwarna cokelat tanah.Kupu-kupu itu tidak akan muat lagi berada di dalam kepompongnya jika dia bertahan berada di sana. Dia perlu berkembang dan terbang. Kulihat dia mengeringkan sayapnya di bawah terang matahari lalu tiba-tiba melompat terbang. Lihat, dia terbang tinggi! Luar biasa, aku terpesona. Ah, aku ingin sekali menjadi kupu-kupu itu. Keluar dari kepompongku karena hati yang kumiliki semakin membesar. Kepompongku tidak akan muat menanggung perkembanganku. Aku ingin mencoba sayapku untuk terbang, dan kemudian menjelajahi aneka tanaman di bawah sinar matahari. Aku ingin mengunjungi, terbang bersamamu, menikmati madu manis bunga.
Aku ingin sekali sayang."
*adapted from the novel Gerhana Kembar by Clara Ng*
after reading that, perhaps i'm in that stage where the butterfly is trying to get out from its shell. and getting out from it, it seems hard. but sometimes, you have to. you have to get out from your shell, step out, find your new environment which will adapt to your changes. cause when everyone changes, nobody will want to go back to where they were. everybody will start to think differently, and even have a few differences, becoming mature thinking adults. that is when you will find a new set of friends that is gonna stick to your lives, understand your new changes and get adapted to it. and this will continue as you grow older and enter different phases of your lives.
and what is life without changes? it does take time to develop to become mature thinking adults. but let's put it to this, my dearly beloved friends, we are 16. we are still young. we shouldnt be thinking about all these. maybe a bit of it to ring a bell that you are getting old. still, take your time to get ready for a metamorphosis, we are still young and we do make mistakes. we learn from it and we will get there and be ready to fly. someday.
hafiz, shafika, wajihah, farah, nadiah, hareen i wanna thank you. for being there for me when i made my silly mistakes, adapted to my changes, understood me thoroughly, stood by me during the hardest point of my lives and gave a listening ear to me. i am grateful to have met you guys, and be part of my wonderful life. i hope what we have now won't fade away cause we cant go back to where we were but we could still relive those days now and forever.
ahhh, i feel like crying.
:(
