ORANGE/FOC outing

it was a whole damn lot of fun, dares, booze and partying.
i love getting high.

:D

i want more of theesseeeE!

serious shit.

before i say anything, thanks to all who talked to me and knocked some hard sense into me before people think I'm biased and always want my way.

i know i have my point of view so its not as if i shut down all the rest? i took time to listen and adapt to whatever that has been happening. i am trying my best to please everybody with whatever that is necessary. and its a whole damn hard when i don't even care less about myself anymore, i have nobody to depend on cos every time shit happens this happens. its not that i am unappreciative of whatever you guys have done to me. asking an opinion from a friend of mine doesnt hurt especially when every single person has their own opinion and i respect their opinions. every single one of it.

but at the end of the day, i got bad remarks at myself. and you know how it feels? the feeling of being judge to something you are not and something you are trying your best at? it seriously hurt me a whole damn lot. here i am doing my best and people seem to make their way around it and say whatever they wanna say.

i get it. i know after reading this post, people would be like 'she's seeking attention and oh trying to seek sympathy' all those shit.

i have been fighting back my tears due to this but recently it just got hold of me. that's why people bottle things up. cos every time they talk about it, they get dump just like that. i'm tired of having to say out all the problems that i have and share cos its just darn tiring. i don't want to repeat every single thing cos it just goes back to where things are. circles never end.

in the end, i'm the one involved in the war. i need all my sources before i lose.

and after everything, people will say they don't want to interfere anymore cos people are so fed up at giving their opinions and in the end they don't get heard cos i will always want my way. without you guys telling me all sorts of things, i wouldnt be the person i am standing at right now. i know i love you guys cos without you people giving me advices, i will always think i'm right. so don't have to shut up. just say whatever you want cos now, i'll listen more and its time for me to shut up, seriously. i am willing to learn and change but it takes time.

and once again, thank you a whole lot. there isnt any sarcasm in there. i am sorry if i offend anyone. peace not war.

i told you i'm emo.

thank you ika.

As much as i want to let it all out and let down my guard, these little voices speak to me creating a heavy cloud over my distraught brain. I thought this could be over and done with in a jiffy but myself being me, i will always turn the simplest things into the most complicated way whatever 'it' has to be. Every fight that happen has to have tears. It flows without its completely true reason. Its transparency that preached was just how the heart has been feeling.

Clear and empty feelings inside.

i can't take it any longer
thought that we were stronger
all we do is linger
slipping through our fingers
i don't wanna fight now
oh this is goodbye to
find a way that i can't tell you

i hate this part right here.

post FOC syndrome

ORANGE OIEEEE!

so i can still hear the cheers and screams in my head. i swear i woke up next morning searching for the similar faces that i lived the 3 nights with. i wanted to hear the crazy people saying good morning like yasin's and hasif's and also wanying terence hanis tricia vanessa andrea siwen hilary ryan shaun ignatius aloysius darren jianbao geena jon and jerome! i know there's like alot more people. HAHA. overall, i can't wait for tuesday's marina barrage's outing.

so caught up with hafiz and a few others. lepak-ed and screamed like nobody's business. camp cheered all the way. cannot be erased laaaaa! hahaha its like red camp all over again. and can't wait for 10 april's egypt sentosa's outing.

i miss gigs somehow but i'm too lazy for that. HAHA.

i miss the crappy people i know, JZ LEON CH REEN!

okayyyy.

HARDGAY! SAY SAY SAY!

hahaha inside joke. sorry.

:D

i am happy.

haha who says i am an emo kid? the previous post only happens when i am really down and i was. everybody has their ups and downs so yeah.

anyways, here this cool shit. i hate rihanna but this is a cool cool version of her song. HAHA. it actually sounds like a zombie who seems to be walking around with this as the background song! hahahahha.
well im a saddist. who cares about her anyway.



till next time.

OH i've got camp from tuesday till friday.
so yeah, i am down down down for it!
way too much energy stored in here.

NP HERE I COME!

chasing pavements.

(kinda emo post)

As much as tmr's my big bittersweet 17th, i've reckon it is going to be bittersweet. I had time to recollect my moments of being 16 and i was disappointed. The previous events that happened at home showed a new side of my anger. Full of temper and forceful strength that wasn't me at all. i sincerely did not know how or why i became that furious.

It was a heartbreaking moment, the time where i just close the whole world that i was in, focussed on myself and no one else, i felt the whole world crumbled to my feet. i felt ashamed, crestfallen and i really didnt know who i was. Change had succumbed me without even myself knowing. All that i went through and done, i had guts, been there, done that and had enough. i had no clue who i am, what i was, where i stood when everything appeared naive. i detested myself.

For that few seconds, i was a nobody. The reflection in the mirror was just an illusion. Emptiness filled me. The image in the mirror wasn't the person i knew all along. Its glaring stare was piercing through me with all the guilt that i had in the past year. The light that was suppose to be there bailed on me. it didnt shine as much as it was suppose to. Those unfateful stares made me fear myself. Only one thing kept ringing in my head 'Who had i become?'

The world seemed cruel somehow and it will be that way forever. How you live is how you take these tests of patience and fate that God has given to you. i miss conciding my problems to God who have been through my lowest points in life. I hope this gives me a wake up call after all. But i thank god for tomorrow.

i'll dream this away and come back another day when i'm less afraid of it all.

____________________________________________________________________

On A lighter note, Farah and me were total arses at MacD's just now after sending my dress and her shirt for alteration. And Farah cannot go out with me. HAHA. Cos i'm kinda a crazy shopper and burning a hole in her pocket is my job!

i'm looking forward to Saturday and NOT tomorrow. i'm turning a year older. Although there'll be a high chance that boyfee wouldnt be there. :(

instead of saying 'how old are you?' why can't people change it to how YOUNG are you?

damn ageing. (haha)

belated 18th

been busy working lately and so i haven't been in touch with my loved ones especially this lovely guy right here. so yesterday i had my pay and decided to do something out of the ordinary. he planned to go to snow city and i was ubber excited cos i have not gone there before.

i was doubtful of going since it was going to rain and kinda crazy if we got stuck in the cold but thank god, we managed to get to snow city at the right moment where nobody was there. so we paid for an hour (but stayed in for 3 hours) and got our snowsuits on with huge boots. i had to wear an XL jacket cos the smaller sizes are for kids so imagine me as a walking chopstick with a giant fishball on me. it was THAT big. and the jackets doesnt smell at all cos it has been dry cleaned after every person who uses it.

when we entered the place, it wasn't that cold. so we got our snow tubes and went straight for the slide. i was darn hyper for no particular reason. perhaps it was neyo's dream the other night or maybe just spending time with boyfee. HAHA.

snowball (actually dust) fights, wrestling and running away from each other was a very enjoyable moment. at -5.4 degrees, my nose went red and toes went numb but i was still hyperactive. HAHA. i thought i was the only one having fun.

after that cabbed down to heeren, to see my cheap monday pants which was on sale but no size for me. so i was kinda disappointed. went to have dinner and met ika before we went home.

oh yeah, hafiz has just rebonded his hair.

hahah just to let you guys know.

eveeill girlfriend ;)

my life would suck without you

i know farah has to be photoshop-ed somewhere in this picture perfect moment

i didnt know Ryan had a lot of fans and receiving gifts are awesome. especially when Ryan is broke and kinda have no other option and visits every friend on the list. Ryan envies those fully furnished houses and those who win races and betting on the wrong people all the time. no wonder betting is forbidden.

guess what i'm talking about? FACEBOOK.

I should stop talking about it.

PLEASE shut me up.

so five minutes on nasyita: her boyfee just got a blackberry, the book she's reading on is erotic romance and she's getting disgusted by it, she turned on and off the com 3 times today, has been addicted to online shopping, has nothing better to do and watched HEART over and over again, became totally random towards boyfee and spending more time with Ryan rather than her boyfee.

now i miss 90210 and gossip girl.

please make my life interesting.

sleepover

so yes our sleepover was a whole lot of slacking and crazy awesomeness but not everyone was there. farah had something to do so she didnt have the chance to go. overall, i managed to stay awake for like a long time since a long time too. HAHA.

but too bad, i was the one to hit lala land first. and waking up to delicious breakfast thanks to wawa's mother :D

and yes
i want more of these.

:D

facebook

now i know why people are so crazy over facebook. now i'm addicted to it. i was suppose to upload this blog early in the morning and now its nearly 12 midnight. facebook, you're killing me.

so yes, now i'm sooo waiting for my paycheck and all the outings for the upcoming month. tmr's sleepover is gonna be super fun and ton-ing is a must i guess. popcorn and movies. OOOHHH.

so contact lenses or glasses?
hmmmm.

wait.
i think i havent add my boyfee on facebook.

SHIT.

i miss boyfee.