chasing pavements.

(kinda emo post)

As much as tmr's my big bittersweet 17th, i've reckon it is going to be bittersweet. I had time to recollect my moments of being 16 and i was disappointed. The previous events that happened at home showed a new side of my anger. Full of temper and forceful strength that wasn't me at all. i sincerely did not know how or why i became that furious.

It was a heartbreaking moment, the time where i just close the whole world that i was in, focussed on myself and no one else, i felt the whole world crumbled to my feet. i felt ashamed, crestfallen and i really didnt know who i was. Change had succumbed me without even myself knowing. All that i went through and done, i had guts, been there, done that and had enough. i had no clue who i am, what i was, where i stood when everything appeared naive. i detested myself.

For that few seconds, i was a nobody. The reflection in the mirror was just an illusion. Emptiness filled me. The image in the mirror wasn't the person i knew all along. Its glaring stare was piercing through me with all the guilt that i had in the past year. The light that was suppose to be there bailed on me. it didnt shine as much as it was suppose to. Those unfateful stares made me fear myself. Only one thing kept ringing in my head 'Who had i become?'

The world seemed cruel somehow and it will be that way forever. How you live is how you take these tests of patience and fate that God has given to you. i miss conciding my problems to God who have been through my lowest points in life. I hope this gives me a wake up call after all. But i thank god for tomorrow.

i'll dream this away and come back another day when i'm less afraid of it all.

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On A lighter note, Farah and me were total arses at MacD's just now after sending my dress and her shirt for alteration. And Farah cannot go out with me. HAHA. Cos i'm kinda a crazy shopper and burning a hole in her pocket is my job!

i'm looking forward to Saturday and NOT tomorrow. i'm turning a year older. Although there'll be a high chance that boyfee wouldnt be there. :(

instead of saying 'how old are you?' why can't people change it to how YOUNG are you?

damn ageing. (haha)