serious shit.

before i say anything, thanks to all who talked to me and knocked some hard sense into me before people think I'm biased and always want my way.

i know i have my point of view so its not as if i shut down all the rest? i took time to listen and adapt to whatever that has been happening. i am trying my best to please everybody with whatever that is necessary. and its a whole damn hard when i don't even care less about myself anymore, i have nobody to depend on cos every time shit happens this happens. its not that i am unappreciative of whatever you guys have done to me. asking an opinion from a friend of mine doesnt hurt especially when every single person has their own opinion and i respect their opinions. every single one of it.

but at the end of the day, i got bad remarks at myself. and you know how it feels? the feeling of being judge to something you are not and something you are trying your best at? it seriously hurt me a whole damn lot. here i am doing my best and people seem to make their way around it and say whatever they wanna say.

i get it. i know after reading this post, people would be like 'she's seeking attention and oh trying to seek sympathy' all those shit.

i have been fighting back my tears due to this but recently it just got hold of me. that's why people bottle things up. cos every time they talk about it, they get dump just like that. i'm tired of having to say out all the problems that i have and share cos its just darn tiring. i don't want to repeat every single thing cos it just goes back to where things are. circles never end.

in the end, i'm the one involved in the war. i need all my sources before i lose.

and after everything, people will say they don't want to interfere anymore cos people are so fed up at giving their opinions and in the end they don't get heard cos i will always want my way. without you guys telling me all sorts of things, i wouldnt be the person i am standing at right now. i know i love you guys cos without you people giving me advices, i will always think i'm right. so don't have to shut up. just say whatever you want cos now, i'll listen more and its time for me to shut up, seriously. i am willing to learn and change but it takes time.

and once again, thank you a whole lot. there isnt any sarcasm in there. i am sorry if i offend anyone. peace not war.

i told you i'm emo.