Monday, November 2, 2009

137 - good girl gone way way way bad.

its either theres something wrong with me or people around me are just fcking clueless that i am ard in this world. i dont crave for attention. i just need reassurance whether i make some sense in their fucking life and worthy of being in their lives or the things i do are just not to their liking. if i don't, i am glad to leave from their lives and pretend nothing happened between us.

i really hate the fact that i cried to sleep after that incident. i am still schooling and i dont have any financial support. why the hell did she get money for who-knows when i have school and that is actually more important? not only that, she gets more than what i do. i even had to ask to get it while on her side, money flow like water just like that. what, me going to school is not important enough? ( matter of fact = it seems unimportant now cos i am a nobody ) i do have some money but how long am i suppose to use my savings on stuff that I crave for? those that you could afford for me last time but not now? or for my future? its not only a matter of days but a matter of weeks. if it means that much to you, i could give back the money that was passed. it was as if its not sincere. why give?

i really hate the fact that everytime i try to make random calls or random texts, it will just turn out bad. really bad. its like i cant call out of a sudden especially when you asked why i called. why cant i call? if i cant call then dont fucking pick up. and i thought i missed you but heck, i dont know what im feeling right now. someway or somehow, i will get mad and then you will say sorry for idk what cause, why say sorry when you dont even know your mistake which you actually should know? i know my sorries wouldnt count cause i will always tend to do it. i dont know what the hell is wrong with me like really. or maybe its you? i cried everytime you had something to do or had to go. idk maybe people dont like the way we are together?

AND i really hate the fact that people pretend that their mistakes seems okay after a few seconds. the least they could do is talk to me. why should i always make the first move and pretend it is all okay. they know they are at fault, then talk. i wont bite. the least i could do is just ignore if i am still not okay with you or you feel the pain that i had went thru because of you. they think its so easy to just forgive and forget. although i am trying my best to but it is damn hard. i know you might be thinking i am making a huge deal out of this but i kept it for too long. it has happened too many times. once in a while i had to make it okay although it hurts and i had to adapt to the new situations but after a while, i had to adapt too much that it changes things.

I TOTALLY HATE THE FACT THAT MY HORMONES ARE RAGING AND MAKE ME LIKE THIS. PMS OR WHATEVER SHIT, PLEASE GIVE ME THE TIME OF THE MONTH ALREADY. I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

ASS.

sometimes i wonder why i do this.

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