be yourself day preperations

its funny how you prepare for events such as be yourself day. its this friday and i'm really working forward to it. thats where a day whereby you be yourself, play dressup and the stress mounts as you dont have anything to wear and would go on diet and save up just to find a nice outfit for that day.

i remembered when i was in sec 1. i searched a skirt with my mum, dont ask me why. and it took me like 2 weeks to search for one pathetic skirt to fit my outfit, which was a plain black tee. i seriously begged my mum for it, and finally got one. its now stuck somewhere in my cupboard, where i barely touch and wear it ever again. it was quite a disaster to wear it with a black tee and with my damn nerd face,which is damn ugly, wearing like that? oh my god, what was i thinking? i was crushed by kenneth and omg. omg omg omg. i looked like ajhfjleashjghrhga.

as you mature in sec 2, where you somehow know how to dress and somehow looked for a nice tee to kinda tone down. then you try out new hairstyles thinking it was cool to play around with big hair. and thats what i did. my hair was darn thick and had somekind of emo hair but it was emo-tak-menjadi. hahaha. and i added a few personal touch to my outfit. i recalled that i used this yellow-lime elastic band and used it with ribbon to have it as a belt. wth? but this time i got helps frm my friends to find a tee. so it wasnt that bad. hee.

but as years pass, you mature with time, the next thing you know is youre in the third year, having another cycle of be yourself day. this time its a whole lot of different situations you're going through. its like you get hungry, saving up, search the outfit yourself and thought of what others would think of you. especially finding time to go and get your outfit with your friends. thats what i did last week but didnt really helped them, just walked around chilling. and right now, after you get a tee, you would try it out with different bottoms, skinnies, shorts etc. and you cant pick what to wear so you ask a friend's opinion. then you get different views. its either you look like a minah or not on that day. skinnies seemed to be the in thing now so you would try your best to stand out from the crowd and not to be the main topic of people's conversation. now its the bitchiest thing ever. you try to impress people with your looks on that day, which makes it not being yourself. its being the best of yourself and show people thats the best i can be outside its either you take it or leave it.

with the different genre of fashion such as emo, minah, indie, retro or babydoll, i try my best not to look in any of this classifications. therefore i would go simple and make the best out of it :D

oral was okay. i dont knw why mrs ang gave a smile to me and seemed interested in what i was talking. hahaha okay that's a good sign. weeee~ but i suck at the picture conversation. theres nothing to talk about. haha.

and hearing from people what other people think of you is hurtful but you have to accept it no matter what.

and that sucks. BIG TIME.

You should never make a person love you for what you became for them but for what you already were in the first place.

post-exam results

it's been a week of ups and downs but more of the downs, and letdowns. but i had to keep strong, i had to believe myself so i wont go in to terrible thoughts of disappearing. what's impossible remains impossible and the fact that i can't change it is overrating. i want it to happen my way but things just fell into place, in a way that i dont want it to be how sweet?

common tests and good lucks had became a great way to somehow motivate me to go to school after all that has happened. i dont know what i should feel. awkward? delighted? hope for more or move on? but hearing those words just kinda made me change the way i look on him. then i asked myself am i hoping for more? if i'm not then why am i still here? wonders over wonders, actions over actions, when it only comes down to 'we're just friends'.

whatever it is, i definitely need to move on. perhaps, what goes around comes around right dee?

today seemed a slow blurry day for me. editing videos which will continue tmr, crapping with fizzo just cheers me up la. and he needs to stop singing rehab. its an awful song. dee got 'accidents' in school and wawa and chap told me what i was worrying over, thanks a lot. i need to know someway and somehow. but seriously, thanks :D

so what do you want from me now? change? this is what i am and i cant compromise to your needs. if you go for those kind of girls, i don't mind. so considering preety girls can be a big showoff to you, go ahead laa. thats not called love.

18th august, fireworks + hangout, friends = AWESOME

the girlfriends

the crazy-ness.

the crazy one

the madness one.

my punching bag and the one who cheered me up

the unpredictable one

the 'hotstuff' one.

the kecoh-merepek one.

the high-ness.

the people :D

18th august was a day with pure fun, great people, so called great music and great lightup in the sky. it was memorable and fun. the clique was just damn fun to be with.

at first went out at 2, went seraching for wawa's present with shab. had mars bars <3>

then we played eye spy. HAHAH. cotton candy greedy girl. and also shab's twist's! hahaha. so cute! and we did a few jokes to entertain ourselves. then came along azli, azhar and fit. hahaha. then came sab, ika, cweka, suzie, reymie, faiz and muse. they were very kecoh! ahahah, samsiah! then came adh and fizzy and a few unexpected guests as well. as it was getting late, a show started and me and fizzo were kutuk-ing the singer and the dj. hahahah. we were basically laughing our arses off without the rest. then came shah, syam and hafiz. said hi here and there. there were loads of people. and we were just lepaking and went merepek-ing waiting for the fireworks. i remembered fizzy was like gathering us in circles and went allocating jobs. hahahah. 'motivenyer, aku buat ni semue untuk... waste time! hahahaha' funny! lol.

the fireworks came and we went to the front, i was with dee fizzy and fizzo and the rest were at the back. it was awesome. after that i went a bit tipsy as i didnt had dinner, not enough food. took pictures here and there. was quite unexpected that he would do such thing. hes making me confused. after that headed to raffles and saw the nama saya gang and i saw lufee at last. hahah. then fizzy blanjer me an icecream. then went to raffles place to search for toilet. hahahah. me and dee were walking from one end to another end and at last we hit coffee club and went to the toilet. hahahaha. cool la the toilet.

headed home in dee's dad's car. jam and reached home ard 12. stories shared in the care was bjhdsahhgfjahgfjhegahjdgh.

fizzo teman-ed me from 12-2. i couldnt sleep. we shared our views about him. and he made me think twice. but we just chat as if it was an on off thing. i also need views from other people. so yah. beside me got hippo. hahaha, he kept me safe thru the night. hee :D

i dont know whether to wait or move on.

fireworks

it has been a long time since my family had a family outing. i miss all those times. yesterday made me felt missed of being a family together for a long time.

dad had a new job and picked us up at marina bay. we were late as the fireworks was programmed at 8 but with my sis's delydaly. hahaha. we were late. we reached an open field at 830. the place was deserted but as time pass, more and more people came and i started seeing people's head and butts. what an awful sight. haha.

most of my pictures are with head involved and i had to crop it. hahaha. how troublesome. the fireworks started and ended 15 mins later. it was awsome, brightly lit skies and nice lighting. and all those who were with someone special were like hugging lalalalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. and all i wanted is to just stop them cause its making me asjhfjaehgfajhgjahegj.

watever it is, we went to west coast for makan. it was fun as we talked about how we used to spent the time there the night before we go on a holiday. i miss it alot. and i wish to go on a holiday, get away with all the problems im facing. i couldnt stop talking about cambodia, the flight episode. HAHA. i wanna go fly ~

my mum said after i finish studying, i can go follow my aunt. she's in dubai now. how cool! and the other time she went to morrocco. okay. i cant wait.

and today, going to go watch fireworks again with wawa dee shab and all. meetups with fizzo mad and chap. wont hope to bump into adh and jasmine.

so long.

pressure

i cant help but blog. :D i miss blogging. heee :D

so this week was a whole lotta common test for the examinations which are coming soon. and by the time you know it, i'm taking o level's in 1 year time. how time flies and how i treasure every moment of it.

school has just been nothing but bore. with teacher's incessant talks but i somehow looked forward to lepaking after school. i just love the clique that i'm with. the different types of people just made it more special. although i'm kinda caught in the middle and sometimes couldnt predict some of the guys (with their -_____________________________- attitude) i somehow like (maybe) the way it is now. he knows, so i have no concience but things he does are making me hopeless and i guess i've had enough. maybe i'm better off with a better person. dee and me would deserve someone better, i hope.

study groups was awesome yesterday. face warping people became a new hobby getting kicked out of the library was quite sdkaljglkrjgalkjgf. like hello, people want to study. what about other people who conquered the walkway and shelves? WTHHHH.

okay. so tmr's biology and and and tues's a maths and YESSA! FREEDOM :D

Leon just make me go ajngewkjhahtew. hes damn irritating yet, he cheers me up every minute in class. hahaha.

i wanna pass my a maths, somebody help meeee :D

afterall, you're my wonderwall.

i dont know what i'm feeling.


empty? yes. lonely? yes. and rejected? very very much.
but i'm pretty much moving on already. so yeah, im glad i let it all out.

wont update till common test is over.
i hope.

'weeeee' *fake smile*

happy bday naufal :D

birthday boy :D

it was all blacks and he was the only white. it was naufal's 21st bday. dah tua dahhh. hahaha. people who came for the birthday outing/party wore black as it is his favourite colour. ahah. bowling was fun. i had a few strikes here and there. hahahaha. and people were having fun, kacauing the others and cheers for those who got longkangs. haha.

relatives and friends came. it wa quite a big group to go out together. after bowling headed for late dinner at teck whye. the buttered prawn was fab :D and geting an unexpected call totally cheered up my day. haha.

let the pictures do the talking.

cute lah tu, zaki :D

the couples :D

the family/relatives

the kecoh table :D

i told ya zaki couldnt stop acting cute :D hahahah.

yes i do.

far east :D

so much happened for the past 2 days, so let us look at it shall we. on national day, decided to see fireworks. met up with shab, dee, waty and shikin and went to far east to eat and do other meet ups with ika and gang. walked around, went to eat at kfc and headed to esplanade. reached there we couldnt get to the main esplanade. it was packed and crowded. and there were many hotstuff around, scary. choo choo trained all the way. and we met fiz at new urban male. wowee. then went to marina square. we were stucked there. i decided to stay to meet with my family and the rest got closer to the fireworks part. the fireworks was fun while it lasted.

waited for naufal cuz gf. she got lost in the way. while waiting i saw a lot of friendster friends so shared a few smiles here and there. then waited for zaki and friends at esplanade. hahaha he couldnt get to see the fireworks i guess. walked to arab street for late night dinner/supper. the people were fun to crap with. haha. until i couldnt eat properly. cant wait for saturday's party. they're gonna be there. wowee. so i would have time to wander off thinking for a while.

today, more of a walking shopping experience. bought alot of abercrombie stuff. im in love with it. went to expo thought of meeting boyfeee, but he didnt have the gig today. ungu took the stage. hahahahaaaaaa. macam paham.

somehow i was hoping when the phone rings, he was the one smsing but it turned out to be the other way round. leon is bugging me this few days. i owe him pushpop and he owes me a starbuck drink. he called when i was happily shopping for tees. he even chatted with my mum. hahahah.

i couldnt fit in a topshop tee! and im already growing tau! im growing sideways all because of topshop! okay, i cant complain much.

i'm crapping with fizzo on msn right now and its 1.50am. harry potter, limousine broomstick, ron's senget magic, cloak kene cuci, hippo family, fairy land and big fairies. all inside jokes seem to be fun. and i cant believe im laughing my arse off alone in the night and no one is outside. woooo. scary but potter will pop up any minute :D

if you do like me, tell me cause im about to move on.

countdown to national day

she's the only one left

yesterday was a whole lot of solemn, joyful and depressing mixed emotions altogether. the humanities thought me a whole lot of sacrifice made by the british to fight in world war 2. the touching stories and sad ones plus the memorial ceremony was a great way to end all the different sacrifices that touched families. the bus our class got was cool! there were comfy seats, on the higher stories, and on the below part, there was the VIPs seats. haha. we went up and down and was having fun in the bus. reen introduced me to 2 new songs, both quite fun and upbeat. the one i couldnt take was muse's unintended. hahah. sleepy yet meaningful.

then it went on to home, dad was being a tard. i didnt even talk to him ever since he scolded me for studying? WTH KAN. and now, i just dont care what he say, what he do, all i know is i ignore him as much as i can. he was waiting for me at home, when i was having fun at 1am outside. whatever la.

then came FMU's stall. it was fun making the sandwiches and getting a call from adh. haha. but the packing part went hectic and after everything, we got a break at around 7 and me dee and ika went emoing outside school, thinking of our love lifes and such. ika, good luck to you. me and dee, lets just wait for poly ah kay. or maybe even when we meet in the skies. haha.

the carnival was quite adequate. performances by the lion dance and kompang was fab. and also the makciks were cool! ahahha. i had a fun time talking to them. they made our sandwiches sort of finish. ahha. and also thanks to fizzo's family for buying and being funny :D

one thing that i couldnt stand is this girl. mintak kene smack tau. haha and only mad know who is it. hahaha. one on one eh? takyah lah eh, buat bodoh sudah she wins like duhhhh. after that i went on being a retard, crying my heart out with fizzo and dee. its like gahhhh. im starting to feel that i deserve better. ' theres a lot of him in the world with the qualities you want. so just move on kay. ' fizzo. ' nas, nvm we wait, ' dee. they cheered me up ah. but theres still feelings lingering ah.

anyways, i slept at 2 wondering why am i like this. why my situation is like this. and sort of 'confessed'. OH YAH, i made kenneth felt like he's nothing to me. i guess he's guilty? hahahahahhahahahaha. deserve you right, kan dah menyesal. GENDENG. hahaha.

let me get wasted today with dee ika and sab :D

now i'm falling i got nothing left to say

now you're the first to know.

i dont know how to say this. it is either theres something wrong with me or something wrong with people. i can't belive guys are fighting over my sister and on the other hand, i'm a loner. playing this game of 'does he? should i? no, it cant be.' i should say that it is childish in a way. so yes i'm childish.

but imagine being in that situation, lonely yet want to have that someone to be with, someone special than anyone else. you would do anything for that person and you would try to be with him/her every second and think that he/she means the world to you. you would rather see yourself hurt than hurting the person you love. and all those little little things that brings the relationship to a whole new level and those sweet memories just can't be forgotten. i crave for that.

i don't know whats with my luck with love but false hopes and pretence is just piercing through my heart right now and i don't know what to do. people are telling me be patient or move on when it all comes back to me 'do i deserve the wait? or maybe someone better?'

ahhhhhh love, it takes sacrifices and heartfelt patience and once you're in love, it's pure bliss.

today was a sleepy day for me. english CT was skngasjvlskrjfajnvajsnd. and i cant wait for tmr's carnival. i heard someone's the khalifah. hahaha. whatever it is, good luck :D and also tmr's superstar thinggy. lalalala.

fizzo got his head injured. haha. and its like you can see the skin. he was acting okay when in fact it wasnt. he was dizzy the way through and i can see that. he was heading to concussion but he kept still and sleepy. quiet yes. ahhhh, get well soon fizzo! we cant bear to lose you! haha. and i cant miss your crap ever la! take care.

see what tmr brings. i starting to hate life. pffft.

dont die yet.

just stay content

curiosity got your knees weak.

yesterday was study date with duck and waaaa. ika tagged along for a while. i was so engrossed in doing my homework at civic mac that a manager halau'ed us away. i ended up finishing most of my homeowork. eventhough the place was loud, i had my ipod and phone to keep my ears to myself. and it works a whole load. leon was text messaging me and i had to play along. pffft. he can be very lame.

the breakfast i had at macs made me full for the whole day that i skipped lunch and went on to dinner instead. having a few snacks in between. i cant believe we 'bullied' a girl in the library. hahah. it was quite sad but she was giving that i-don't-want-to-share-table-fcuk-off face. but deserve her right, her sister didnt pick up her calls. haha. i'm so saddist.

i was doubtful either to go baybeats or not. it was like jfhajehgfskjegasijg situation that i gave up and decided not to go, because of my mum. she wanted to go out and release her stress. so we went to vivo, it was her favourite place. i don't know why. she loves sipping tea in the vivo's coffee bean. my aunt followed and headed to vivo. went to eat banquet. then reached candy empire. chocolates! ahaaa.

walked around, since i wanted to get tees. went from esprit to topshop. couldnt find. went to zara and this basic tee caught my eye. so i bought it. haha. i felt misplaced in that shop. everyone were like, formally worn. haha. i'm planning to get vintage tees when i'm all saved up. i'm totally broke now and have to depend on my parents. and now that i dont have to job to depend on. pffft.

and i still can't fit in a topshop teeee ! ):

you are the star that's in my sky.

i miss getting jet lag.

it looks as if its a painting right? but it's not. its real white fluffy cotton wool clouds up in the sky, i took it during my airplane ride to cambodia. the airplane ride was pure luxury, with seats that are as comfy as a bed and picturesque views, who would ask more. this small little window helped me know that the sky goes infinity and beyond and thats where i wanna be.

like i said before, i made a deal with my aunt, an air stewardess, that i'm gonna get inside help for this job. she would make sure i would get the job. i don't know if this is what i should be thinking of at this young age but what i plan is to travel around the world, getting to know new places and different cultures, humanitarian stuffs. but these are just dreams and i would reach there someday but thinking of realistic possibilities, i would stuck somewhere in business line/law/civil service line. to get paid at a high cost of course.

enough said about my dreams. ahaaa. so out of topic.

today was okay. fizzo did his magic and made me laugh a lot today. dee too. with her face, makes me wanna laugh. and all those little little things that your friends do that makes you love them. its priceless to let it all fade away. and this someone messaged me, making me hyper. haha. but this time my phone didnt drop. lucky. yet, he keep saying that he couldnt get girls because of his physical features. but hey, look on the brightside. i'm waiting :D

i'm looking at friendster and theres this metrosexual guy. its just disgusts me. hahaa. he looks like a girl! omg. okay. nvm.

i fell asleep while waiting for dee and ika to finish their date with mr lin. HAHA. and that sleep made me dream, a wierd one. haha. the latest reader's digest about princess diana intrests me too much that i fall asleep.

so tmr's friday, skipping 3 lessons. dee, do it with me, 'WOW'! O.o

unsaid things

bowling trip on sunday

thanks for the tags above. i would certainly gain something from that.

i feel tired, exhausted and i have a whole lot of homeworks on my back. school has been so fast that next week, CT would start. and a whole lot of other activities too. plus, this friday's navy chief is coming to WS, would be an eye opener to me and maybe just kill the stress i have for the time being.

and to =) , tell me who you are? i would like to know yeah. thanks for caring :D

people are making me think of what i'm doing. should i say and jeopardize my friendship and hope for the best or just don't say and suffer in silence and not hope about it. this is so hard to do. wouldnt it be easier if he just read my blog and get a clue that its him? ahha. mepek ah nas.

today, after school was fun. me and dee had to cheer each other up. i had to eat this dessert that i haven't tried before and dee had to order for me ice kacang without the kacang. HAHA. it was funny to say it cause ice kacang without the kacang is just ICE. geddit? AHA. colourful ice i must say.

the reading article this morning was funny. haha. fizzo and nadzir made me laugh my heart out at the little details that was published in the paper. HAHA. pembersih lelaki dan wanita. LOL. and and looking for chicken cutter. HAHAH. they only highlited the first 3 words making it funny. what for would you post an ad about looking for a chicken? LOL.

you know what i need right now, somebody to tell me that everything's gonna be alright. and of course, cheer me up.